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The movie 'Unfaithful' is one that I find very helpful as a BS because it helps me understand the dynamics of how an affair can begin amid a basically good & happy marriage. Diane Lane does a remarkably transparent & revealing job of portraying a suburban woman who starts an affair with a French bookseller in the city. She was nominated for Best Actress for this in the 2003 Academy Awards. The situation parallels my own: we likewise lived in the suburbs; my wife likewise had her affair in the city; the affair partner was likewise a foreigner. I found Richard Gere's portrayal as a BH helpful to me, for he portrays movingly how I have felt at many points. Yes, the movie also triggers stuff for me, but I find that the insights are worth whatever triggering happens. It was on HBO last night & I watched it for the 3rd time while on a business trip. I'm going to try to get my fWW to watch it, for it could prompt some self-understanding, in addition to helping her see the depth of the pain she caused. And FYI: This movie is very far from glorifying or glamorizing adultery. Diane Lane's character alternates between reckless abandon & paroxysms of guilt & resolutions to break it off. One of her female friends happens to drop in a conversation that affairs never end well & she concludes by saying that the affair she had is 'the one thing I will regret as long as I live.'

[This message edited by GuyInPain at 12:08 PM, Saturday, September 30th]

I remember that movie....I also remember the ending

I agree with you that this movie does not glamorize infidelity. It really does showcase the trauma inflicted on both the WW and the BH. It is very emotional. It shows the slippery slope. It shows how far the ugly can really go.

It is a good movie.

I remember that movie....I also remember the ending

I remember my intense disappointment at the ending which left the relationship between the WW and BH unresolvedliteral rug sweeping to say the leastthe final scenes switched the focus from the exploration of the effects of betrayal to a crime scene investigation.

I am 15 years post Dday,and I will not watch movies where infidelity is features - either good or bad. Too triggery. For me, watching that stuff amounts to pain shopping.

The only problem with that movie is rug sweeping the fact that the BH murdered the AP and hid his body... the secret the couple will keep forever? I mean seriously? If you, as a WS, knew your BS murdered your AP, wouldn't that be a little cause for concern? You might be next!

[This message edited by Unhinged at 9:37 PM, March 2nd (Thursday)]

Unhinged,

Your concern was addressed in The Postman Always Rings Twice. Just sayin'....

The book, I mean. I never saw the movie.

I never saw the movie.

Really? It's a classic. Great crime story. A bit triggery now since it's infidelity related of course but still a real good "crime doesn't pay" noir film. Kinda like Double Indemnity.