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Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi. Has anyone read this?

I happened upon this on the Kindle app, I don't really know how except maybe a "suggestion" from an old search? But I read the "sample" part and HOLY COW!! She was in this kind of relationship and has done a lot in relation to NPD: blogs, run online groups like SI, IRL groups, and has degrees in psychology and REALLY gets it.

I only read the intro pages I could in the sample, but intend to get it. The descriptions of instances of abuse at their hands brought back things I hadn't thought of since they happened. She described the differences - and similarities - between NPD, Sociopathy and Psychopathy in that brief view of the book (empathy, mostly).

The real skinny on how to become the nightmare is within the chapters I couldn't get to, but I can't wait to find out what she says about it.

I was abused in every way but physically (except once early on) as described in it, by xpos for several decades and want to be sure I can recognize the traits and actions if I run into another. Doesn't matter if it is in a possible future relationship or just people I meet or already know. I do already recognize it in one relative from what I experienced in xpos. Definitely good information to have whenever. Knowledge is power, and potentially freedom from abuse.

Just wondering if anyone who notices this has read it and has anything to offer from the rest of the book. And thought it might be of interest to others who know narcs or wonder about them.

I haven't read this one. I have read "The Psychopath Next Door", "Women Who Love Psychopaths" and so many others that it has become a blur. I think I have just had my fill. It did often feel like reading the story of my life.

Now I want to find a book that tells me how to not still have the anxiety and nightmares as a result of this type of abuse.

It seems there is so much written about living with a disordered, the initial break away but what about the following years?

Does this book address that?

I am to the point of creating a new life, I have a new SO, a very serious relationship. The past still creeps in and I panic.

IC would be nice but I have had to muddle though without because of finances. Soon I will be able to afford it but damn! it's almost 4 years since I divorced! Guess I feel like I should be over it and reading a book feels more rational.

Hi, cantaccept, you sound like I was, after my first divorce, too busy working, and the acute pain of it all fading into the rear view mirror?

May I suggest it would be an ideal time to explore with an IC some of those painful memories, get insights, etc., which you can then integrate with your current life?

I so wish I had done this, before I got caught up in dating current spouse....a history of abuse can be like a bad toothache that we gradually got used to, but that history is not in our long-range best interest.

Some of us on the SA forum are working through our FOO stuff, all these years later (I am almost 67)! It is never too late to get it straight....