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Since getting back from the UK, I've been feeling better. One way I know I'm on the mend is that I've been able to think about planning more than a day or two in advance.

Traveling alone is not scary for me. I used to do it ALL THE TIME both for personal trips and many, many business trips on which I travelled the world. I am extremely happy traveling solo, in some ways I prefer it, can make your own itinerary, don't have to worry about accommodating anyone else. Even when I was with xWBF, I still did my own trips. I went to New Zealand in 2018 for two weeks to spend time with a friend - he was, of course, invited, but he didn't feel comfortable being that far away from the kids for that amount of time.

With Christmas on the horizon, I've been thinking about what I want to do. It's actually one of the few holidays which I won't fully associate with the xWBF as he is Jewish and didn't really 'do' Christmas. We would do a fancy dinner on Christmas Eve if we were in the US and not the UK, and one year, I cooked "Christmas" dinner for his whole family.....not quite the same, given they don't really appreciate it given their culture. Typically I would think about going home to see the family, but having just been there for 3 weeks, and not knowing how the heck the pandemic is going to work out, I started thinking about doing something closer to home.

I'd been thinking about going to a beach (Caribbean, SoCal?), or maybe doing something uber Christmassy with snow etc (Lake Tahoe?). I was texting about it with a friend this evening and she suggested San Diego. There is a hotel on the water that does a great Christmas celebration, but she feels that I would be ok as a solo traveller, there would be opportunities to meet people.

Me being me, I started looking into it....and saw that my airline of choice had great deals on direct flights and the hotel my friend mentioned is my preferred hotel chain! So, I booked the flight. For someone who is a planner, I can also be impetuous, especially when it comes to travel. I can cancel the flight up to the end of August and bank the funds if I decide I don't want to do that trip any more. I'm keeping an eye on the hotel prices and will likely pay with a combo of pay / points.

I wouldn't say I feel excited. But I don't feel sad or despairing. I do have a little buzz from the spontaneity. That is more like the pre xWBF OOL....... I likely wouldn't have been able to do this with xWBF as we would have had to factor kids into the time.

Am I crazy for wanting to go away over Christmas alone? I might enjoy traveling, but I've never done a solo Christmas before. Anyone else done anything similar?

What a great idea! And how brave you are!

I have traveled solo many times for work, but never for pleasure. You have given me something to think about because I am definitely not looking forward to Christmas. And no, you are not crazy. This sounds like a fantastic idea.

Yeah, I actually get a bit excited when I think about it. I've told a couple of people my plan, and rather than feel sorry for me (which is what I thought they would feel), they've expressed how impressed & awed by me that they are that I've gone through this shit show during a pandemic but that I'm moving on and planning my life. They admire my bravery and strength and without exception, each one of them is astonished how my xWBF can let someone like me go for ego kibbles and nonsense. I don't think of myself as being particularly brave or strong so it's nice to hear that from an external source.

I'm also going down to the Outer Banks over the long weekend in October. Given I can work from anywhere, going to do it near a beach.

@BnB - I definitely recommend thinking about it. That act alone helped me focus on something other than my sadness for a while. It's acknowledging that there is a future, whether you like it or not, they are not going to be in it as you can't turn back time, so you may away make some fun plans for it. No one else will do it for you. Honestly, give it a go.

[This message edited by Outoflove2020 at 6:19 PM, August 11th, 2020 (Tuesday)]

I have done Christmas in a hotel alone and it is actually kinda nice. The hotel staff is generally super nice and go way out of their way to be extra special (think cookies and eggnog on Xmas Eve, things like that). Do it and enjoy it!

@BearlyBreathing - that is very reassuring to me, thank you! I've told a few people about it, who happen to know the hotel, and they are all super excited for me and think it's a great idea. All of this is making me happier with my decision.

OK, seriously, now you have me inspired. I'm going to plan my Christmas holiday. I am going to go somewhere by myself, and it's going to be amazing.

My last solo holiday was in San Diego, but was in late May. I loved the waterfront area. If you have a chance, try the 40th floor lounge at the top of the Manchester Recency Grand Hyatt at sunset - absolutely gorgeous.

Top Gun and Top Gun 2 had scenes filmed there, if you want to check them out. Whaley House in the Old Town section is supposed to be one of the most haunted houses in America. I can't wait to go back.

@BNB - YES, DO IT!!! I'm convinced that making that plan for myself has helped me more in the last couple of days than anything else. Am I nervous / apprehensive about it? Of course? Do I regret booking it? HELL NO.

@Lea - thank you so much for these recommendations. I have been to SD once, but it was 15 years ago and it was to visit a friend who was doing her PhD at UCSD. I don't remember much of it, many cocktails were involved :-) I'll make a note of these things and try to get to them. I will definitely check out the hotel, especially as part of it's name has very special meaning to me. It's like the universe is giving me signs, left right and center, that this is the right thing to do!