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Newest Member: Plantlady

Divorce/Separation :
Divorced and not hating it

Topic is Sleeping.
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 a1234567 (original poster new member #78733) posted at 11:46 PM on Monday, August 16th, 2021

So, I posted a few months ago here under "Separated and Hating it" if you want context on my life. Long story short: XWW had an eight month affair, lied about it for two years, and I got to find out from a stranger. I proceeded to separate pretty immediately and it felt rough. I wanted to post an update for the folks who were kind enough to commiserate and offer guidance in my previous posts.

DDay was four months ago, and while I still have plenty of bad days, they have become less intense and less common than my good days, or at least, normal days. I'm officially divorced as of a couple weeks ago. We had a bunch of loose ends to tie up though, mixed names on various bank accounts and insurance policies, the last of which I wrapped up today. I have to say, it feels really really good to be done. I have followed most of the common advice here: NC except for logistics and staying focused on self care. I'm actually in better physical shape now than I have been in a while since I've been using exercise as a coping mechanism. Also I'm a lot more likely to be able to sleep if I'm physically beat.

I've also tried to get more into some hobbies where I can meet people and put in the effort to actually turn some work friends into normal friends. I'd say I've had mixed success, but in general, I wish I could have told myself 3 months ago that life could feel somewhat normal again, and that it wouldn't take years. I think probably this has been a bit easier for me than for a lot of posters here because I'm relatively young (32) and have no kids with XWW. So if you are a new member reading my post, take my thoughts with a grain of salt, your mileage will vary.

The only place where I have not followed the guidance here is I have been seeing someone new for a few weeks look . I'm prepared for that to to turn out to be a mistake, but I've been very up front with her about my situation and my desire to keep things light and casual, and she's been on board. She's also divorced (though not so recently) so I think that helps. I'm definitely not counting on that relationship to be long term or "fix" anything for me.

I don't have a clear goal with this post other than to say thanks to everyone who offered their support and advice in those dark early days. This thing has been a roller coaster, so I probably have some rough patches to navigate still, but things finally feel manageable. Even when I feel bad, I have the perspective of, well it's not as bad as I felt a few months ago. So anyway, thanks all. Cheers.

posts: 44   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2021   ·   location: Texas
id 8683847
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 2:35 AM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

Good to hear that you are doing well. Keep moving forward. Divorce for me was a liberation. Never regretted it for a moment. I believe you do or will feel the same soon. Good luck and keep us informed of your progress. It's nice to hear positive stories when a BS moves out of infidelity.

posts: 717   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8683872
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 2:37 AM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

Rebound relationships are fraught with peril. Just take it easy. Don't see each other too often, spend time just getting to know each other... You're exploring the world again and learn to be on your own again for a while. Or with the boys... Now is the time to have some fun and get back in touch with yourself. Oh, be safe.

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4480   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8683873
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 a1234567 (original poster new member #78733) posted at 1:08 PM on Wednesday, August 18th, 2021

@src9043 Thank you! I will do.

@thatbpguy Thank you for the advice. I am proceeding with caution. We only see each other once a week or so. Things are well aligned to keep me from over committing. She does not want a serious relationship, and even if we both changed our minds, our schedules are such that we couldn’t really see each other that much more anyway.

I am spending plenty most nights alone or out with my own friends. Which has been great, honestly. I do want another partner eventually but I’m not ready to pursue something serious again and I don’t think I will be for a while.

posts: 44   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2021   ·   location: Texas
id 8684111
Topic is Sleeping.
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