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Been divorced for almost 3 years. I haven't paid alimony for the past year for a host of reasons that include WXH came into a huge financial settlement after a car accident, failed to pay his half of childcare expenses and lives supported by his affair partner at her house. I probably owe about 10k or more. I pay alimony because I was the breadwinner in the family until he began an affair with a woman I invited to dinner and destroyed our marriage.

Since the divorce I have paid all of DD's expenses, including college. WXH hasn't said much about it until I got an ominous text today about how it was time to talk xmas plans and money. Some background here: we had an odd living arrangement on a family property. He built the house so we had no mortgage I gave the house to him and in lieu of him taking half my retirement savings I set aside money for DD's college and paid him alimony for 3 years. Every once in a while he's blown off steam about the financial arrangement but I ignored him. He had a clown of an attorney and I never took it seriously. He's pretty disorganized and chaotic person. He can't usually pay his bills but likes to blow money on fancy suits and hit the race track with his affair partners.

Today I got a text that indicated he wants to talk money again which is worrisome. It doesn't make sense to pay 5k to hire an attorney to get such a paltry sum -- also the shame about asking for alimony (his family is deeply embarrassed). I live in Maryland. What's the worst that could happen?

He can have your wages garnished. If he has you on the hook for 10k, it's worth a few K on his part to recover it. Failure to pay is also chargeable as contempt of court. He's holding the cards as Maryland's not a good state for cohabitation to be helpful. Was there any language in the separation agreement on cessation of alimony on cohabitation? That'll help, but even then you need to have the ex's relationship meet the 5 step cohabitation checklist form Gordon vs Gordon. College expenses are also only a factor if they were covered in the separation agreement. As are all expenses for the kids past the age of 18.

TLDR; this is really a question for an attorney familiar with your agreement and the state laws.

In my state it goes on your credit report as a lien if there is a judgement against you. You can lose your license and and government tax refunds will be garnished.

In my state you can also go to jail for failure to pay.

See an attorney. You may end up having to pay b/c legally you owe the $.

I agree with grubs. If there was a court order, you are obligated to fulfill those terms. If he wasn't meeting his end of the terms, you can take him to court to ask the court to enforce the agreement. I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding is that his failure to abide by the terms does not nullify the agreement and allow you off the hook on your end.

I would also suggest you make an appointment with an attorney and make sure you understand what your options are and how it will likely go, if he does take you to court.

Failure or refusal to obey a court order, even when the equities of the situation suggest that it is no longer fair to have to obey it, can be punished in many jurisdictions as contempt of court, for which you can be put in jail, fined, ordered to pay the unpaid obligation, and/or ordered to pay the attorneys fees of the party who filed the contempt petition. This is on top of the garden variety collection efforts. Some states even permit of the revocation of professional and driver licenses.

You do not want to find out the hard way.

Find a lawyer willing to sit down with you for an hour to evaluate your situation. I don’t charge people for an hour to see if they have something I can help them with and if we are a good fit as lawyer/client.

You may be able to work some offsets for the expenses you paid that he should have split with you and settle up without a lot of fuss. If you sit and wait hoping it will go away, it probably won’t.

[This message edited by Wiseoldfool at 7:50 PM, Thursday, December 2nd]

Definitely see an atty to see what can be done in your state since he did not uphold his side of the agreement, either, and to see what can be altered.

I say this bc my xh took me back to court because I did not follow thru on the terms of the divorce by not making the house payments on time. But, he stopped getting our children for any visitation which put a huge financial burden on me for child care and food. We went to court and both were at fault, so I had to pay my own legal fees, plus 1/2 if his since I was more at fault than he was.

I’d see an atty, and he/she might suggest you quickly catch up your payments, then your atty might contact his atty saying he’s got to pay you what he owes you or you’re going to take him to court for contempt. Plus the atty willbe able to advise you in getting the alimony stopped. 🤞 You prob want to do this before the end of the year so you can claim the alimony paid on your taxes, but I’m not a tax professional.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:52 AM, Thursday, December 9th]