I don't know how to find out who her husband is. They apparently met at target in our area and she lives supposedly in a town a good 45 minutes away. I tried googling her but can't find her. Her name is fairly unique but it still didn't produce anything. I know the name is correct because I found the CC charge for the plane ticket he bought her for his business trips.
Nothing I have discovered changes the timeline of their relationship of when it stopped. What he admitted, I didn't know this, was they met earlier than I knew. The mall event was their first time meeting up after meeting and talking via phone.
He has admitted they had sex that last time. Which makes sense. The new stuff I found out makes more sense and everything pretty much I questioned was correct. I was right. He knew I was right. He said he didn't want to hurt me more and just kept hiding.
I had an individual appt with the marriage counselor and he has one Monday. We have a joint one Tuesday. Then I'm not sure. He's trying to set up individual and the person is dicking around. I'm on the emails so I know that.
I'm waiting on the timeline. But I know that it's been non stop here so there has been limited time. We went away for a night to a resort and spent it how I decided. We are working through some therapy books doing the exercises/questions together. He has filled in more details for me that he had been scared of ( thoughts, feelings, confirming some smaller details that I realized. Yes some more smaller lies). He seems to understand that I need to get the lay of the land. To me it's like a play/movie and I want to see it in my mind. How it all went down. For the most part the facts are less scary than my imagination. Though I cannot understand the lack of emotion he has had. That he can just have fairly casual sex for someone. Yes he liked her and felt sorry for her but didn't love her and still seemingly just dropped her.
I told him the extent of where I had been at. And where I am now. That my love will be killed if he focuses on his fear and need to control the outcome then being honest. I suggested a polygraph. He said fine.
I had s bad night that night. Got very drunk and very aggressive. I said some very mean things and just broke. He tried to take a break to regroup and I wouldn't let him. I sat on his lap to stop him. I could see the fear and relished in it. Then I broke and just sobbed. Just heart breaking wailing. But he was there. Trying to give comfort. For the man who would alway run from my emotion shockingly he is there trying to give comfort. Staying calm. I don't know this man.
And that is pissing me off where was this man before? This understanding, gentle, loving caring husband and father? Why the hell want he around the past 4 years?
The next big challenge is he is going away for training for our new business for 9 days. It's been planned. It can't be changed outside of me switching with him, and we open in July and have to do this. We have over million dollar loan on this business with our house as asset. This store must open successfully. He's scared to go. I'm scared. We are trying to figure out how to make if work. He wants me to come with the kids. But that's a major hassle. Finding a place they can be set up in, there are the safety concerns, how our au pair would feel having to go for that long to an undesirable city, what to do with the kids, no therapy for 9 days when they have daily and my oldest signed up to start day camp. And I don't want to. It would be stressful and uprooting for my fears and due to actions seems unfair to everyone else.
Today is crazy. Our friend who helped with the kids so we could go away that night is still here. We don't want to tell her so that's been something fo juggle. And my daughter has two recital shows today. So it's an all day thing of us tag teaming the kids and juggling the recital.