your husband is living his life with zero consequences. He’s been able to do whatever he wants with impunity; this is the status quo. He does whatever he wants, cheats, sexts, has affairs, and no consequences. Nothing changes if NOTHING changes.
My now deceased wh husband did the same thing to me, for YEARS. In a sense his actions destroyed me, my soul and I also now have PTSD from all of the trauma his behavior caused to me, for life! These experiences will now forever be a part of me.
I now can look back and can clearly see how devastating his behavior really was to me. Broke my heart. And I also, at the time while he was deep into his behaviors, felt so helpless.
Today I have a different opinion and outlook on cheating and lieing, gasslighting, etc. I would never be able to put up with it today or ever again. I feel for you.
Are you familiar with the terms trauma bond or codependency. I do believe this relates to you.
Love isn't supposed to be hurtful or painful. A loving spouse wants to take care of your emotions. Wants to make sure you feel safe and it will reflect this in his behavior and in his actions. Instead, your wayward husband is destroying you. And you have lost trust in him. He makes you feel bad about yourself. He is ripping your self esteem to shreds. This is no way to live especially because you have your children who so desperately need at least one healthy parent.
Eventually his behaviors are going to destroy your soul and will damage your brain. It's been over three years since my deceased wh passing and I am still struggling because of the emotional and psychological abuse he caused to me. I remember how I used to make excuses for him.
Your kids need a strong mother who isn't getting the life sucked out of her by her husband. Your husband is not only robbing you of your agency but he is also robbing your children first by hurting you and also by choosing to put his time and emotions into other women and porn.
I'm not saying to leave him because I understand that you have a large family to care for and it may not be feasible to leave him. I understand. I also chose to stick by my wh no matter what. And honestly over time he only got worse. Addiction is progressive. It will continually get worse and you also will be dragged down with your wh. I am not trying to scare you, I'm just trying to explain how bad a situation could really get.
My advice to you is to find a way to softly detach from your wh. Maybe become too busy in your own life and with your kid's to give him as much time and attention. Maybe don't confide in him as often. Make some small changes and don't always be there for him.
You see, he knows that you will stick around no matter what. And he knows this. And this is a problem because it gives him no incentive to change because wife will always be there for him no matter what. And I believe your wh is using porn and whatever else he is doing because he has poor coping mechanisms. Not dealing with life in a mature manner.
One thing for sure, please understand that your wh needs to fix himself and you can't fix him no matter how hard you try to. This is something he needs to do and he may never want to put in the efort and work to make himself into a better husband and father. He may already lack the desire to put in the work and effort to become an honorable husband.
His behavior is so very destructive, not only to himself but to those closest to him as well.This may be something you may have to accept and live with for as long as he is continuing down his destructive path. And that will probably be a very long time.
You can't change him but you can work to change yourself with baby steps.
My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for the journey you are on. It's an extremely horrific and unhealthy way to live. I am so sorry.