SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm looking for anyone who has divorced and been able to remain in their home.

What did you do to stay?

Thanks 😊

I'm looking for anyone who has divorced and been able to remain in their home.

What did you do to stay?

Fiscally or mentally? I'm still in the home we bought right before we wed 22 years ago having divorced 13 years ago. Moneywise, it was tough the first few years. Ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly. My ex generally spent more than she brought in so it wasn't as bad as you would think. I'm making twice what I did back then so it's no big deal now.

Mentally, I was never really attached to this place. It was just easier with the dogs to stay. I married my 2nd wife 9 years ago last month and she's been a trooper living in my ex's dream home. Now that her youngest is in school we are looking to make that downsize move within the next few years. I even promised her a new bedroom set as part of the deal.

Dragnheart,
I think the leverage has to weight on the side of the children, your custody % amount and who is going to be zoned for the children's current school.

I am using or trying to get alimony in the amount of the current mortgage and for the duration of their school years.

Thanks.

I'm in a bit of a state right now. Becauze stxwh didn't pay to have his taxes filed, my child benefits were cancelled. I am now without any money.

So no mortgage payment, insurance for the car I was getting, food, etc. Lose my phone as of Tuesday.

I'll be lucky to still have the house by the time the damn court papers get filed. I was supposed to do that tomorrow but can't get into town now.

I'm livid and feeling totally defeated.

I do not have children at home so have a different situation. I presume you have legal advice and support?

We live in different countries so what I have done may be different than what you are able to do. I am sure some other people in here will weigh in soon.

If I had a situation where I had to get into town to file important papers, I have had friends who were willing to take me. Sometimes even advocates from battered women’s programs can help get things filed or there are process servers who can take papers places the papers need to get to.

Are there people in your friend or family network who can help? Are there ride shares that can get your there? Are there any groups other than this that you are a part of that might be able to help organize a go fund me to help with immediate needs?

I am truly sorry this is happening to you.

Yes I have legal support.

I rescheduled with the women's resource court support worker for Tuesday to file my paperwork. I have transportation.

I caved and started my own gofund me for just enough to get by.

I checked my account this morning and there was a government deposit. Half of what the child tax benefit would be but it helps. I have no idea what it's from, maybe a new credit thst i quslify for?. My mom also chipped in last night to make sure we had food.

I was told staying in the matrimonial home is difficult due to my current income. Like no shit it's practically 0. But if I have enough time to get situated, find work, I can remortgage.

I can also rent the land. I'm going to see if I'm legally allowed to do that right now and if I am then I'll talk to the farmer who wanted to buy it. Any income will help.

I know that the climate action thing came into my account last week so maybe it was that.

I know that the climate action thing came into my account last week so maybe it was that

Oh maybe. But I was told by the CRA thst I wouldn't be readjusted for anything like that until the 90 days were up. The deposit only said Canada CAi.

Trust me I'm not complaining lol dd got picked up and went out with friends while I got the other kids to town to get groceries. It was an ok day until we got home and ds jjst totally lost it on his younger brother. He totally snapped screaming. When I showed up he stopped and removed himself to calm down. He's better now.

Tomorrow we are getting picked up to go to my parents for the day. My brother called and said we all need a break and out of thr house. It should be fun.

I got sole use of the home during the separation and the divorce. He had to pay the full mortgage the first year and half the mortgage, taxes, insurance for the next couple of years.

Hindsight, I wish I'd walked away. It took me so much longer to heal because of all the memories and the mindfucks of having to deal with him over home issues throughout those years.

A dear friend advised me to walk away because it's just a home and I could get another. Wish I'd listened to her advice.

Now, my regret is mine and you may have a different experience, but I wanted to give my perspective so you can see the whole picture.

Good luck. I'm praying for you and the littles.

ETA: I petitioned for use of the home and for him to remain on the mortgage and lease and for him to pay his share even though I was getting sole use of the home. That's it in a nutshell. I won.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 12:37 AM, Monday, July 24th]

The deposit only said Canada CAi.

Climate Action Incentive, fyi.

I did.

My ex made a lot of fatal errors in the lead-up to our temporary orders hearing. He decided what he "should be" paying for child support and it was a whole lot less than what he should have been paying, given his income. He also, in that initial hearing, petitioned that I change my tax filing status (to benefit him), petitioned to not pay any portion of private school tuition for our oldest and generally was acting like an entitled dick.

When my attorney started her statement, she began with "Your honor, here is a man who has spent less than 8% of his gross income supporting his children." Ooops.

I got a 5-figure immediate payment, generous child and spousal support and didn't have to amend my taxes. He was an idiot, and we took advantage of that.

In hindsight, I should have unloaded the big barn of a house much sooner than I did (waited until my youngest was in college). I downsized (sort-of) 6 years after the divorce and then majorly downsized and relocated last year. Should have done it a lot sooner, but the timing was right on both.

Attorneys and financial people say that the largest mistake people make in a divorce is hanging on to the marital home. They're right. I wish I had gotten out from under the house sooner than I did.

Cat

It's easy to say walk away when you have income or credit to get another home.

I have neither. I've been a stay at home mom for 15 years.

There's no way I'll get a house or apartment with enough bedrooms for the kids.

It's best I just do what I can to stay here. There's opportunity for income from the land. Even one of the lawyers I spoke to said if I was able to sever and sell land not to sell all of it because of the earning potential.

Is it possible to cash rent the land (i.e. for crops)? That might provide you with some much-needed income.

Cat

Is it possible to cash rent the land (i.e. for crops)? That might provide you with some much-needed income.

For crops no. It's only good for pasture. For cows.

It's also protected land and can't be developed at all. It's a bird sanctuary and these birds and always found with cattle that's why I'm allowed to have cattle on thr land.

It is possible, with lots of hard work and sacrifices it can be done. You have to ask yourself will it be worth it at the end of the day. The reality is you will have to work a full-time job that pays good, as well as a part-time job to be able to have enough money to pay your living expenses and have an emergency fund and some kind of retirement funds.

Work on your credit rating, the better your credit the better the relationship will be with the bank, better interest rates.

Educate yourself on the qualifications for qualifying for a mortgage on your own. Can you pass the financial stress test.
Play around with a mortgage calculator to get a realistic idea of monthly mortgage payments.

How long have you owned the property, is there much equity built up. This will have to be divided with your stbxwh. Your portion might be able to be used as a down payment.

Have you spoken with the company that holds the mortgage now, are they willing to help you.

Are you having the property appraised so you can have a more accurate value. This is a cost that you would split between you and your stbxwh.

I know the mortgage company is willing to help me keep the property. Already spoke to them.

I won't be able to pay for an appraisal right now. I can barely keep up with food thanks to stxwh not doing his taxes and making me lose my benefits. Hopefully that will be fixed at the end of August.

I've got a busy day ahead of me so I'll respond more later.