In order to successfully reconcile, the ws has to work on themselves.
Is he in IC?
Is he accountable for his time when away from you?
Is he being proactive in healing the damage he has caused you, himself, and the marriage?
Has be removed any potential triggers? The room where you caught them will forever be painful. What is he going to do to change that room?
He's doing some things right. But a lot of what he is doing is called love bombing. He's wooing you. It feels nice, but it's not making him a safe person. It's like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound.
It's extremely unfortunate that you know nothing about cell phones. I highly recommend you get your own,and learn about it, without his help. Showing you how to look at it is fine,but that means he also knows how to hide things on his own phone from you.
Cheaters lie. Especially when caught. Please don't be so quick to trust him. Dday was a few days ago.
Also, cheaters need consequences. He knows you won't leave. He knows he can cheat,in his own house,his wife will see it,and she will,within days, tell him it's ok, and let it go. That's a dangerous lesson to teach a man who was freshly caught.
The standard,minimum requirements for reconciliation often include..
Full transparency. You get full access to all accounts and the phone. Passwords included.
Complete honesty, at all times.
He answers all of your questions without anger or defensiveness. And no blame.
He gets into IC to figure out why he cheated, so he can learn to coping mechanisms, so he has a less chance of cheating again.
Std tests. You get the results from the doctor. Yes, he says it was a few hand jobs. Cheaters lie.
He goes NC with ow.
And anything else you need to feel a bit safer.
True reconciliation is a process. It takes years.
Do not tell him about this site.
I don't know if it's been mentioned, but it's extremely disturbing that this woman was suicidal(you know this to be true,as you spent an evening with her,talking her down), and he took advantage of a vulnerable,fragile woman, and received sexual favors from her. Don't get me wrong..she was also wrong,and 100% responsible for her actions. But that doesn't mean he didn't clearly take advantage of the situation.
[This message edited by HellFire at 11:42 AM, Friday, January 12th]