SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I have not been on Si for a while, I used to "live" here shortly after d-day and for quite a few years after. I was wondering what happened to the LTA (long term affair) forum. I am so sad to find it not here anymore, while I no longer "need" it I completely remember how much I did NEED it way back when.

  Moving to General

Welcome back. Here is the latest thread: https://survivinginfidelity.com/topics/635506/long-term-affairs-part-39/

Remember: Off Topic and F&G (except for quote thread) are infidelity-free zones.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:04 PM, Saturday, January 27th]

Lordy, I have been gone so long I have completely forgotten that LTA forum is in I Can Relate. What a wonderful lapse of memory on part. Way back when I never thought I could or would go a day without thinking about WS and his LTA’s. Way back when I relied so heavily on being able to come here for support. This place, this site saved mine and countless others in so many ways.

Happy, very happy to say I have moved on.

Lately I have encountered a few people that are going through it, I have thoroughly recommended this site to them, always emphasizing that its 24/7, I still remember what it was when the wave of pain would hit, whether it was 2 in the afternoon or 2 in the morning, there is always someone here. When I was deep into the divorce I needed to leave here for a while to get distance from all of it. I needed to finish putting my ducks in a row. But now I feel like here and there if I can contribute I would like to, more then just referring people.

I will never ever forget that pain!!!

I am so glad you posted! I just caught up on your story in your profile, and damn, what a journey. It gives me hope. I have 14yo and am biding my time until she turns 18. My WH had a 3 year long EA+PA with a married OW who wouldn't leave her family. He would've left me for her if she had been "free," and that continues to break my heart. I found out 3 days after our 25th anniversary. Nearly a year later, he admitted that he also had a "near miss" EA with a coworker 10 years ago (she was single and met someone else). I don't know of more, and like you, I just don't care at this point. What I know is enough. He's on good behavior right now, so life is tolerable, but I am dreaming of the day I can start over. So happy to know that you are thriving now!

Hi NoThanksForTheMemories, Yes my journey was a long one! There were days I thought I would never survive the pain. The end was brutal, he turned into an absolute monster over everything, even fought me over buttons, yelled at me for using "marital cleanser" to clean the broken down lawn furniture I was taking while leaving him the good stuff. Genuine shit you just can’t make up. LOL

I am truly at peace now. I love my life, I am looking forward to the next chapter in a couple of years, but another lesson along the way is I no longer live just for the future. I have learned to take each day and make the most of it. I plan for the future and LIVE in the present, and am very happy to leave the past behind. I have taken every lesson from it, and I know I am strong,

Stay strong, plan for your future, yours and your daughter. Seek out a divorce attorney to find out everything you need to know. And line up those ducks and shoot them down one at a time. And I hope you are in therapy, it helps having someone on your side who is objective. Anytime you need to talk reach out. This site was an absolute godsend for me and countless others

On a side note, from the LTA forum, I actually met up with some of the members who live ihere where I live, we scheduled regular get togethers which also helped. One of the ladies has become a really good good friend and we see each other now all the time. Another ended up being my divorce attorney.

If you have the opportunity to go to any meet ups, go, do it!! The first ones I went to, my ws came with me, even he was happy he went, i think he thought he was getting the down lo on how to win me back, LOL, but the best part is no one held back and let him know a few things.

Anyways, hang tough, don’t give up, and KNOW there is an end to it.

Thank you! I am in therapy (started a year before d-day for other reasons), and I did consult with a lawyer. Hope springs eternal, and I'm willing to give my WS a chance to redeem himself, but I also question whether I will ever truly believe anything he says about the future. But as you say, I am also trying to stay focused on the present and find joy in the now. After the last few years of my life, which have had one disaster after another, I am reluctant to count on anything good coming in the future. I take whatever good I can when I can get it!

Oh my gosh, 1 disaster after another. A couple of my best friends, we have this thing that we say ALL too often

"IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS"

and

"THe Beat Goes On"

There were too many nights I would just cry and cry and cry, between shit that happens with the house, the car, work, etc….then last year came a HUGE wake up call in a way. My youngest kid was diagnosed with tongue cancer. I ALWAYS said I would handle anything thrown at me as long as my kids were OK. This was different then my middle one’s suicide attempt. While the suicide attempt was HUGE, it was different. He’s had issues for some time. My youngest though, we supposed to be a healthy 27 year old young man, newly married and starting his grown up life.

My middle child the one who is messed up looked at me and gave me my words that I have always said to them growing up

"Mom, if its fixable and curable, its allowable"

At that moment so many things flooded within me. First there is hope for my middle child, he has heard, really heard some of the shit through the years. And then yes my youngest would get through this. Thats all that matters, Whatever happens with the house, the car, the job, all of that is passing bullshit, yes it adds up, yes if finances are tough its scary, (been there done that TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT). BUT MY KIDS ARE ALL THAT MATTERS. Its why I stuck with my ws for so many years, I knew my middle child was not stable enough, and I worried if he had an excuse he might turn to drugs and that would end him.

Of course I will still go to pieces everytime something big financially happens, BUT I WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO IF MY KIDS ARE OK< IM OK. Its genuinely what has gotten me through everything.

Biggest point of this long winded post, there will always be something, and it will always pass, and you get through it!