SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Any advice on how to handle a late mid-life crisis?

[This message edited by PMSandvig at 4:52 PM, Thursday, August 1st]

Welcome to SI and I'm sorry that you're here. Infidelity is the worst. First, I'd like to point you in the direction of the Healing Library. There's a lot of great information in there, and it includes the list of acronyms we use.

Second, please see your doctor and get tested for STDs/STIs. There are some really nasty diseases out there that can turn into cancer. If you're having trouble with anxiety, depression, sleeping, ask your doctor for some meds to help you through this first rough patch. Don't have unprotected sex with him until you both get the "all clear" from your doctors (after he stops sleeping with her).

Next, I'd recommend IC (Individual Counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist - bonus points if they also deal with infidelity. A betrayal trauma specialist can be very good at helping you through the betrayal and the trauma it causes.

If he's not going to stop seeing her, then you don't have much to work with regarding R (reconciliation). But you can remain married and just do your own thing. You don't HAVE to D (divorce), but that's going to be up to you.

Let's say you live for 20 years or more, do you want to put up with his behavior that long? Something to think about.

I also thought that my H's affair behavior was due to a MLC. (Except that I didn't know about his infidelity yet when I thought that.)

The best way that you can handle it is to stop allowing him to have his cake (stay married to you) and eat it too (continue his affair.) If he won't stop seeing her, start taking steps to leave him. That will shove him off the fence, though he might not land on the side of the fence that you want him to.

If you'd rather tolerate his affair and maintain your lifestyle, that's a valid choice, but it won't get you out of the madness of infidelity.

Whatever you decide, the only person you can control is you.