SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello, and I hope you are all having a wonderful day and a beautiful weekend. Kiss those children for me, for those of you who are parents. All of you with families and children don't know how lucky you are. I haven't written on here in quite a long time. To be honest, I felt really awkward and uncomfortable after the last time I posted here so I wasn't sure if anyone really wanted me to come back. I feel maybe I handled some things wrong or maybe I just communicated it not the right way. I hope many of you will forgive any mistakes I made in the past and help me out this time. I honestly really do have nobody else I can turn to. Unfortunately, and the few years since I last posted on this forum, things have not gotten better for me. Things have taken a turn for the worst. I am speaking mostly about work but other things too. I need some advice because I am struggling. I know some of you have had struggles too and have had infidelity problems affecting performance at work, as I read a few of those posts from some of you, so I'm wondering if there is any advice for me with what is going on with my own job.

Looking back at my last posts, it seems I stopped writing on here a few months after I started a new teaching job. This job switch was not my choice. Actually, I did not change employers at all, just transferred to a different school within the same district. I have been teaching in this district for a total of 32 years if you count from the beginning of my official full-time employment. I was at my previous school for over 20 years and things were getting ready to difficult for me by the year, and then they told me they were cutting my position which is why I had the force transfer. I didn't have many options available so I picked the one that seemed like the best possible option, or actually the least worst option, and I got in but unfortunately that school proved to be a disaster for me. I struggled immensely. All of the problems that I had had at the previous school were amplified times five at this new school. I constantly had classes that were literally overflowing with students, way more than the maximum of 34 in a classroom. Sometimes I didn't have enough desks. The students would never listen to me or let me get a word in edgewise. I have always struggled with classroom management but it was even worse at this school. I thought it would be an okay school because it was located in the same section of the city where I live, went to Catholic school, and previously worked, which is an okay section of the city, but I was wrong. It seems that they bus in kids from all over the city including some of the really hard inner city neighborhoods. Management was grossly unsupportive. They never provided me with enough supplies, let alone nearly enough paper so I could make photocopies for all of the extra students I had. When they did evaluations, they never gave me any forewarning like they were supposed to and they always came down harshly especially with classroom management. I constantly felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I felt like my life was spiraling out of control, no matter how hard I worked and how many all-nighters I would pull.

On top of that, what made my job even harder it was how they wouldn't let me stay late at work. At my previous school, I could stay until a little after 7:00 p.m. at school to photocopy, Great papers and peace, and get things set up around my classroom. I would stay as long as I could and always ended up getting told to leave by the head janitor when she was ready to lock up the building for the night so I would bring work home. I suppose I should have been more grateful to even have until 7:00 p.m. to work on stuff in my classroom because at this school, they would shut down everything at 5:30 p.m. sharp. I was constantly bringing work home and I was constantly getting interference from my long-time sort-of boyfriend R, and occasionally my brother. It seemed like the more I told R that I needed rest or Time by myself to get caught up on the mountains of papers I had to grade from my very large classes, the more he would find excuses to stay and try to distract me. He did offer to help design lesson plans, but truthfully, although I appreciate his help he seemed to do more harm than good. They follow a whole different format with lesson plans and everything here, another hurdle that has monopolized my time by having to relearn a whole new system of stuff. So while he meant well, it didn't really help cut down my workload any. I would have to go back and edit and change stuff anyway. Most of the time I would end up not even using the lesson plans he had written, but I would wait until after he left for the night to rewrite them so he wouldn't know so to not hurt his feelings.

It all came to a head in early spring 2022. I had already been written up for scoring less than the required minimum score on the teacher formal observation rubric. A week after this embarrassing writeup, the principal and vice principal called me into the office and told me that they would be putting me on a performance improvement plan. Then they asked me what my future plans were. I told them that I only had a little over 5 years remaining until I planned to retire (the minimum time needed to qualify for full pension). They asked if I was considering anything else, which I found odd and puzzling, since I was only 5 years away from retirement age. Then they told me a lot of really hurtful things such as that they felt teaching was not for me, that this job was not a good fit and that the teaching field as a whole probably wasn't either, and that they recommended perhaps I find a different line of work. I tried to stick up for myself and reason with them that I would try my best to do better, that I had already spent the last couple of nights at home scouring over the feedback from the last observation so I could learn from it and find things I could do better. They asked me if I would consider taking some time off, offered me approval to go on fmla. I felt very offended by this. I had nothing wrong with me! I was not sick, nor did I have any family members I was responsible for. Then they recommended I take a sabbatical for a year to rejuvenate myself and to figure out a plan and direction for my future. 😞 I will admit I was crestfallen by this. Although a former colleague friend had been urging me to take a sabbatical the year before, shortly before that school had decided to cut my position, and I did regret not taking sabbatical, it seemed like a slap in the face it was being almost forced on me. But I didn't want to risk losing my job so close to my retirement pension eligibility so I decide to take them up on it even though it meant having my salary slashed in half for that year I wouldn't be teaching.

So for the last school year, I was not teaching. I will admit, although I felt her that I was being practically pushed into signing up for sabbatical, I really have enjoyed my year off. I have had plenty of extra time to go to the gym, including times that R was not aware I would be going, so no worries that he might come and park behind my car in the driveway and limit me from going. I have been able to take lots of great walks, go to museums, and really relax. For one of the first times in a long time I was able to actually enjoy the Christmas holidays for once. My brother and I mended things and he invited me up for Thanksgiving and Christmas to spend with his family which was really special. I really enjoyed my time off and now I am facing having to go back to work. There is no way around it. When someone takes sabbatical, they are contracted to work for at least a full year upon the return or else they have to pay back the income they received from the district during the sabbatical. So there is no getting around that. I can't just find another job. I have to go back. I am frantic and worried because 2 years ago was literally the school year from hell for me. I never thought anything could get worse than the year before that, but it did.

I am supposed to respond through the union about how I want to proceed. Here is my problem. Around late may, near the end of the school year, one of the vice principals reached out to me and told me that while technically I can come back to the position I left, she recommends I elect to work at a different location. I thought about it but that just makes me panic more. I would have to start fresh all over again, at a school that would most likely be a lot farther away than this one is. I also know from talking to the union that I have every right to return back to the job I left when I returned from approved leave including sabbatical. So I will be returning, as a union told me I can, but now I am worried that the vice principal is going to make it hard for me.

I feel like I have nobody else to talk to about this. My brother has been less than empathetic and he keeps getting impatient every time I bring up job problems. He is quick to snap about how he has a lot more pressure on his shoulders because if he makes a misstep with handling the company stocks, he could lose them millions of dollars. R is not someone I would want to talk to about this because he hasn't worked in quite some time. He is lucky that he can get by with just his cash out retirement, and heritage from his late father, and his two properties that he can rent out. I am worried about going back in a few weeks. Next week to be exact. I am in my last week of Summer vacation. What do I do?

My thought is that the vice principal has given you a gift in telling you to look for another school. My guess is they will put you on a performance improvement plan very soon with the intent of letting you go, unless you move to another school.

In one of my manager trainings, they mentioned that many employees don't change their behavior or performance that landed them being on a PIP. If they do improve, it's usually for a short time and then they can let you go.

Have you taken any courses on classroom management or enforcing boundaries in the classroom?

Sorry, I don't have much advice other than that.

Your administration is encouraging leaves, sabbaticals, and resignation because these are cheaper/easier for them than the termination process. And, it looks like they are intent on implementing termination for performance procedures if you do not leave willingly. It's absolutely an emotional blow for you, but I just want to make sure you have that clarity as far as the "business" end of it. You should try to step back as unemotionally as possible and map out your realistic paths forward from here. Use the advice of your union rep on the PIP/termination route: what are the timelines there, how does taking leave(s) affect the process, etc? If you are in the US, you have the right to have a union rep at all meetings with management concerning your performance, to witness and support you through that potential emotional blow.

There's some concerning stuff about R in here. He should not be interfering with your work, even if he disagrees you "should" be working odd hours. If you are intent on turning things around at work then your need to do extra work hours must be respected. He should never block your car in and restrict your movement. You should never feel like you have to do something in secret from him.

Hi! Can you leave that stressful position and sub to keep working towards pension? In my state, subbing does pay into the pension, so it really depends where you are at. Would that maybe be a workaround on paying back last year? Here anyhow subs can work pretty much every day so it may not be as much money, but it might be doable for you depending on your circumstances. You might be able to get health insurance through the marketplace to go along with that. Check into all options. That can sometimes be a step for those not wanting the day to day teaching duties (planning, grading, etc) but still want to be involved. Maybe you can strike an agreement in writing that you would leave to sub (or whatever) if you don’t have to pay back the year since they seem to be pushing for that. I’ve known other teachers that want to leave and they stay in the district to work towards pension and just take another position, such as an administrative assistant for a building or something like that. Ideas maybe.

The bottom line is they seem to be looking for a reason to dismiss you so you can either do nothing and wait for that OR be proactive in securing your future and inching your way towards that retirement. Subbing or admin assistant, etc…in one of the buildings could be an option to keep on that path or seek another position that pays into the same pension. You have said how stressful it is so this might be good for you as well. I’m only trying to help so I hope you see it that way.

[This message edited by deena04 at 12:34 AM, Monday, August 12th]

I like the above suggestion to look at alternative paths to full pension. Your union rep should be able to help find those options. Especially if your teacher pension is part of a wider state government pension scheme, there may be a surprising variety of jobs that will continue your eligibility.

[This message edited by torso1500 at 7:06 PM, Sunday, August 11th]

My thought is that the vice principal has given you a gift in telling you to look for another school. My guess is they will put you on a performance improvement plan very soon with the intent of letting you go, unless you move to another school.

In one of my manager trainings, they mentioned that many employees don't change their behavior or performance that landed them being on a PIP. If they do improve, it's usually for a short time and then they can let you go.

Have you taken any courses on classroom management or enforcing boundaries in the classroom?

Hello, thank you for taking the time to read and reply. But in response, no I absolutely cannot quit. I will lose my pension. That pension means everything to me. I fear they want me gone but where else will I go? Any leftover school in the district that still even has an opening is going to be just as bad or worse than this one.

Yes, I've taken a ton of classroom management courses during my 30+ years teaching as well as during my college degree. To be honest, they never really did much. I am a great student and always earned straight As in my coursework. But when it came to actually implementing the strategies, no matter what I did, I seemed to fall short. I feel like I just don't have the panache to succeed with this. It has gotten worse not better for me over the years too despite my efforts and despite spending more time than ever with each passing school year on off-hours work-related work.

And to the people suggesting I sub, no I cannot do that. For a few reasons. One, I need to be a full-time employee for 35 years to get pension. Subbing is not full-time because the work available is unpredictable and not guaranteed. I am just thankful that my sabbatical last year doesn't disrupt that. Also, I suck most at classroom management and controlling the behavior of the class. On the times I had to cover for absent teachers when subs weren't available, students acted up the absolute worst for me in those classes that weren't actually "mine". I also struggled with this when I subbed before becoming hired for full-time teaching by the district, which might explain why it took me so long to get hired full-time. Plus the sabbatical payback. I am already contracted to work at least one more full year of teaching per the terms of the sabbatical or else I am on the line to pay back every cent. I can't afford that. I already took a 50% pay cut in salary while on this coerced sabbatical. I only have three years left until full pension retirement, why can't I just hang on the remaining three years?

There's some concerning stuff about R in here. He should not be interfering with your work, even if he disagrees you "should" be working odd hours. If you are intent on turning things around at work then your need to do extra work hours must be respected. He should never block your car in and restrict your movement. You should never feel like you have to do something in secret from him.

Yes, I know, a few friends I had said that too on occasion including one in particular who seemed unhealthily obsessed with bashing R. That's why I would stay late at school in my classroom, but it stinks that they push everyone out by 5:30 at this school. Previously I stayed until at least 7:00. It's not done in secret, more just avoiding hurt feelings and an argument. I would just tell him to leave altogether but he really is all I have left. I feel like I've lost so many friends in the last several years due to work stress and never having any free time to go out with them. I made a few new friends at the gym in the last year but they all have families of their own, and got really busy with family vacations and spending more time with their kids when their kids were home from school this summer. It is hard to push R away when he's all I have sometimes.

You said you cannot sub, but can you do something else within the district that is full-time like secretarial to keep moving towards pension? I know where I am at, that does still work towards pension. It might be something that works for your situation. Have you asked a financial planner or union rep what else you could do to keep moving towards that pension? Where I am at, you just have to have a job that pays into the same pension, even if it is not the identical job. Where I am at, subbing for those that are dedicated subs is every day. There are availabilities every day, which makes it more full-time anyhow and they pay towards pension for subs here. I know it can vary, but maybe just check all options. I know you want to hang on for three years but you also don’t want to be terminated and lose it that way. Would you have reduced pension if you left now? I know it would not entirely disappear. You’ve already paid into a lot. Maybe check with that union rep to see all Avenues to pay into the pension, even if that means a different type of position.

Edited to add:
The bottom line is they want to get rid of you. I’m not saying that to be mean, but they have made it obvious.

1. Talk to your union rep asap.

2. Maybe take another district position even if it is not subbing, like secretarial, lunchroom, anything that keeps you in district toward the pension. That was mentioned in the post above that you could sub or do another position, subbing is not the only option. You followed up and said you cannot sub, but other ideas were listed. Look at those.

3. if you need to, take a second job to make ends meet once you do number 2 here. That could be something of your own like DoorDash, Uber, pet sitting on the side, selling crafts, or retail part-time job on top of it. Maybe tutor.

4. Doing nothing will get you fired and then you’re still just spinning your wheels so read every word and look at all of the ideas within. There are so many creative ways to make this happen but you have to be the one to do it. I hope it all works. if you wait to get fired, you will be less likely to get one of those other positions to keep you working towards pension so act today.

[This message edited by deena04 at 1:47 PM, Monday, August 12th]

Ok, I'm going to take off my nice gloves. They're going to fire you. Start looking for another position within your district.

We're not saying you need to quit. We're saying you will be terminated from your position.

R is abusive and his blocking your car is manipulative and borders assault.

I’m hesitant to post, to be honest, because I remember your previous threads, and this one is starting out very the same. You ask people for help and advice and then make post after post saying why none of their suggestions will work. I don’t know what you’re looking for, TJG, but I think the other posters are right: your administration is looking to get rid of you.

I am a teacher myself, and when I hear that for years your classes have been uncontrolled and you are stressed and incapable of keeping up with them, honestly, my first thought is your students and how much they’re losing. You are keeping your job, but your students are stuck in an out of control class and losing critical parts of their education. This situation isn’t working for anyone.

I understand about not wanting to retire before your pension is maxed. As someone mentioned, your pension would not disappear if you retired earlier. I’m sure you know that. You are trying for maximum benefit. I get it. You seem to blame the students for being "inner city kids" as if that’s a choice. They are dependent on you to be able to do your job well. I remember that there were issues with all of this when you were posting before, and you were moved to your current position.

So I’m going to make a suggestion based on the administration’s clear desire to have you stop teaching. TALK TO YOUR UNION REPS. This has been suggested multiple times, and you haven’t responded. Don’t go to a single meeting with your admin without a union rep. Explain the situation to your union rep. Don’t blame your students or try to explain all of the things that are going wrong with not being allowed to stay late or with R trying to do your lesson plans. Just tell them that you understand that the administration sees the issues in your classroom and you don’t feel capable of fixing them. Tell them that you think the admin wants to find a way to fire you. Tell them that you’re willing to stop teaching but you need to protect and maximize your pension. Get their advice and LISTEN TO IT! You seem to have so much difficulty listening and really hearing what people say.

If the admin is motivated to get a teacher out of the classroom because it’s not working for the students, they can indeed put you in another duty for your remaining years. You have to know your rights and bargain for maxing your years. An administration can even decide to keep you on payroll to earn your retirement years without you teaching at all. This was done at my school to bargain an abusive teacher into retiring early. That ass stayed on the payroll for two more years to earn his retirement increment. GET SOME ACTUAL INFORMATION instead of repetitively posting over and over how none of this is going to work. Do what your reps tell you to do. Start exploring what is within your rights without forcing students to suffer for 3 more years.

I think it’s pretty important that you express willingness to leave the classroom if you can preserve your retirement benefit. Know your rights and also understand the goals of the administration so that you can have your union bargain for you. It’s their job to represent you and bargain for you.

And yes, R is controlling and abusive. You both sound like you could really use some counseling. I don’t think you will, but it would be a good idea.

Please go back and read every word in the posts above.

I thought of something else to add in addition to what I wrote above. I am trying to help you so please take this as gently as possible. My bet is they don’t plan on letting you even start the year. My bet is they already have your replacement lined up and they are looking to give you the opportunity to step aside before they have to fire you. They also may let you start, but they are already looking at who could fill your shoes. They plan on doing this. Look again at the other ideas listed above because there are many. Waiting will get you nowhere, start today, August 12. I have seen this happen before in education. As far as you saying you do not want to sub, understood, but that was not the only thing listed. What was said was to find another option within the district and subbing was listed as one example but you will see other examples were also listed or just to find an alternative path in the district. Lunchroom, para, bus assistant, janitor, subbing, you name it, the list goes on. I know subs around here that sub every school day and are full-time essentially. It can happen. If you need the benefits, choose another route within the district or look at the marketplace outside of the school. It is likely the pension would be paid for if it’s within the district, including many states will even pay towards pension for subbing. That would just keep accumulating on your pension. Other jobs outside of the district may also pay into your state system for your pension, such as some hospitals, some community colleges, etc. It depends on the state and it is up to you to do that homework and find out where all takes it. Again, I’m a counselor, but I started way back in the day in education before I switched into the counseling side and then went outside of the school to counsel others. That all kind of played out after my experience which put me here on this website. I know how this works. My sister is an admin at a school. So again, I know how this works. You could look at one of those outside of your district jobs that I mentioned and anywhere that does pay into your pension, but the issue I see there is that you haven’t applied yet and you would have a gap of quitting before hired unless you are willing to quit and find one of those jobs and wait out the gap. Sidestepping to another district job would probably be easier to be consistent. You could probably work with your union rep, whom you need to talk to today, to see about not having to pay back last year. Talk to the rep, try to negotiate to not pay back last year, taken another district job.

[This message edited by deena04 at 2:07 PM, Monday, August 12th]

Frankly, you will not be able to meet the written performance metrics right away and that's probably your only way to simply make pension in your current job.

If you will not consider alternative employment, you need to ask your union rep what are the ways you can string this situation out 5 years, and how possible that is. Taking that sabbatical was probably the right move already in that respect. This is why you need to have your union representation at all meetings with administration, you need someone that isn't taking that direct emotional hit to help you figure your options.

My comment about secrets from R was about the opportunities to go to the gym without him expecting it and preventing you from doing it. I will reiterate that it is completely unacceptable for anyone to interfere with their partner's freedom of movement or freedom to do work tasks at home. I read you saying it's the school's fault you cannot stay as late, but the real problem is the reason you feel you must work late at school. The level of control and influence R imposes on your environment is abusive. I have no doubt you have only disclosed a small amount of stress and disruption he adds to your life, and this small amount already would cause any person stress to the point of issues at work, etc.

Have you struggled the entire 30 years? If so, how did you make it this far? If not, can you look back and see what changed and how you can regain control? Ask for a mentor? Advice from other teachers to improve? Unless all the teachers are struggling to control the inner city kids please don’t blame the situation on them.

I'd been wondering how you were doing as you had stopped posting. I don't want this to become a pile on teacherjoggergal day, but I really can't help but wonder how the other teachers in your school handle the job? If the school is closing at 5:30, are the other teachers having a problem with that?

I'm really sad to hear that R is even still in your life. I realize that there are plenty of people here who stay in situations that aren't the best, but it's usually because of children and money. You're not married to R. It just seems like you have a serious problem standing up to anyone in your life - your parents, R, your brother, your students, that married creep from a while ago, etc. Sometimes I think that if you could make a change to your life and get R out of it, maybe some of the rest of your life could fall into order, you know?

Anyway, I'm afraid you'll continue to do the same thing as before. You ask for the advice, you shun the advice, rinse and repeat. Nothing changes until you do.

Hello, I havewantd through all of the replies and truthfully, it was rather hurtful. The refuge comments that admittedly felt like a 2x4 or a punch to the stomach. I understand what people are saying, that I am not performing well and should not expect the admins to want to have me come back when I have struggled, but please understand that I have done the very best I can. I have been fighting some uphill battles including violations of both the Union contract and employee handbook policies, so it has been very hard for me to have everything managed. All of this occurred one to two years ago but I am still a nervous wreck.

I am not trying to sound offensive. I actually feel like I am asserting my view more here than I ever could in real life when actually having to face people and not being anonymous talking to people who are not related to my job. But please let it be known that I have never committed any willful misconduct or anything of that sort. I had near perfect attendance the first year I was at that school, save for the two days I had to take off because I had tested positive for Covid. I actually felt thankful that I had tested right before a 3-day weekend because this meant I only had to take off 2 days instead of the five since three of the days we were off anyway. As much as I hate my job, I didn't want to make matters worse for myself by adding attendance problems to the list of possible other things. I always handed in every lesson plan on time, always had grades done on time or a day ahead of time even when many of the other teachers struggled to meet these important deadlines. I always made sure I created everything so nobody could claim that I was over or under inflating grades or "winging it". There are a lot of corners that a lot of other teachers cut that I never did. I feel and hindsight like maybe it was all a waste, for me to put in full effort when other people didn't and it seemed to go unnoticed. Unnoticed as in, their corner cutting went unnoticed and my extra efforts to actually do what was told also seemed to go unappreciated and unnoticed.

I wanted to provide an update. I spoke with the union yesterday about my concerns. They rested me assured that admins cannot get rid of me. They told me that anytime I am on approved leave, including medical leave but also including sabbatical, legally they have to hold my exact job location and position open for me. They said I have every right to return to my job at that school. They also reminded me that when I went on sabbatical, I had signed a contract vowing to serve another full year at that location when I come back so they are confused as to why I think that admin do not want me to come back. I tried to tell them things admin had said to me, both then and more recently, and the union acted confused, said that admins had no right to say that and also she made it seem like admins had no right to put me on sabbatical, it is only up to me to make that choice. She kept arguing that I had made the sabbatical choice, it was not made for me. I am so confused now because most of the reason I went on sabbatical was because I thought I was being obligated to buy admin but now I am finding out that they couldn't pressure me or make me take sabbatical.

So it looks like I will be going back, at least for this year, and maybe I will look into transferring if this year isn't any better than when I was there to school years ago. The union went over all of the steps necessary before anybody could be considered for termination and said that I am in the clear. They reviewed my records with me.

Have you struggled the entire 30 years? If so, how did you make it this far? If not, can you look back and see what changed and how you can regain control? Ask for a mentor? Advice from other teachers to improve? Unless all the teachers are struggling to control the inner city kids please don’t blame the situation on them.

Yes, actually teaching has always been kind of difficult for me. I think part of it is because I always attended Catholic school from kindergarten through college so I was not used to the big student population or issues that the public schools have. Also, the city has changed a lot in the last several decades as had the education field. Even the part of the city I live in outside my immediate neighborhood has somewhat shifted. It seems like students don't have respect for education like they used to, and I have read many many similar things on a lot of education online groups. Many other teachers have expressed and vented their difficulties with both teaching and classroom management especially in this city. I do feel like I struggle more than most. I also feel like my years of experience are not helping me to become better but if anything, it is getting worse. I feel like I do everything I can but nothing is helping. If I could go back, I would have chosen a different field but I chose education in part by haste because I didn't find out nursing was not a good fit for me until more than halfway through my college degree so I had to change majors quickly to something that wouldn't make me delay graduation so teaching it was.

So it looks like I will be going back, at least for this year, and maybe I will look into transferring if this year isn't any better than when I was there to school years ago.

The positive is you have retirement in your view! You just need a plan to get you to that point.

When I started reading the first post, I was thinking what some of the others have said....what else can you do? IE another position within, as to not jeopardize your pension?

Office work, cafeteria work, teaching assistant/classroom aid?

Are you getting any independent help to guide you? Thinking like a life coach or IC?

The union reminded me that I must specifically work in my position for at least one full year upon return from sabbatical. Or else I must pay back sabbatical pay in addition to earning less at whatever other job, if any, I might possibly get.

I’m really glad that you got actual information from your union rep. Teachers really do have strong protections because of the many challenges of the work. Listening to your union rep and really availing yourself of their support is critical.

Getting the facts and knowing your rights is really so much better for your emotional state than speculating and worrying. The realities of your position and your situation still remain. I hope that you are able to work with your reps and get support for the other issues for your sake and the students’.

For what it’s worth, you seem to be extremely focused and stressed by the many deadlines and paperwork requirements of the teaching profession but don’t seem to enjoy or connect with your interactions with your students at all. You seem to be in an adversarial role with them. This is ultimately sad and counterproductive for both you and them. The real joy and reward of teaching for me has always been the students. Yes, they can be difficult, but they are also what keeps most of us going. It doesn’t sound like you have ever enjoyed that much, and it’s really sad to have spent so much time on the job feeling this way.

The paperwork is always there, and honestly, I don’t know anyone who gets kudos and recognition for meeting deadlines and completing lesson plans. Those requirements are just kind of the drudgery and bureaucracy of the work. The teachers who are recognized are the ones that students perform well with. They are the ones who are requested by parents and students. That is what administrators notice because it makes them look good.

But all that aside, from this view, TJG, your life still seems very challenging and out of control. That is really stressful and frustrating. Everyone here keeps trying to provide our best advice on this based on what we hear in your posts. Reading them, it seems that you spiral between trying to mollify and manage R—who seems controlling, abusive, and disrespectful of you and your challenges—and panicking about your job situation that you are clearly miserable in. No one here wants you to continue to struggle in that situation, but we aren’t in your life and ultimately, you are the only one who can decide what to do.

For now, I’m glad that you are working IRL with your union rep to understand your rights and find solutions to your situation. I wish you more peace and joy going forward, TJG.

I am truly sorry you are going though this. But as a mother, I beg you to ask yourself if you are truly up to the job. Our society is always complaining about the low pay of teachers, but we don’t ever consider the quality of their work. By your own admission, you’ve always struggled in this career and it wasn’t the best choice for you, but seem relieved that you can’t be fired. Ask yourself if you’d be okay with seeing a struggling doctor, or flying with a mediocre pilot? As a mother of a well behaved child who suffered an entire year of an unmanaged class I beg you to consider IF you think this is a good place for you to be? I suspect I’ll get a lot of pushback on this and I do absolutely empathize with you and wish you well, but there are other young people involved that can be negatively impacted.