SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It seems like its going in the direction you both want which is a good sign. I would definitely not push it and let him lead and allow him to make the decisions. I think before you get your hopes up you have to see if he can deal with the mental trauma. Sometimes its a deal bteaker. It really is the mental trauma of not being able to forget that eats someone up.

BSR:

I think it might be a good idea to keep this space for yourself.

Why? Isn’t this a site for people in pain? Is anyone here thinking about how hurt this BH, a combat veteran, might be? Why shouldn’t he be welcome here if it could help?

Wise: I just want to respond to your post about some BHs here and gently and respectfully disagree with it….while at the same time wish you and your family all the best.

[This message edited by Thingsthatmakeyougohmm at 1:02 PM, Thursday, February 9th]

LostAndHoping, I'm very happy for you that you are seeing positive signs of hope. I have for so long been waiting for my WW to give me hope of our future, but sadly I'm still waiting. Your story gives me a glimmer of newfound hope. I pray that the two of you can work through this together and create a new and better relationship.

Wise: I just want to respond to your post about some BHs here and gently and respectfully disagree with it….while at the same time wish you and your family all the best.

I stand by what I said, the words were carefully chosen. The key word was "some." Some BH here have nothing but venom for WW and most of what they say simply exacerbates the already awful mind movies every BH suffers.

/end of thread jack. Carry on.

It sounds like a lovely lunch, LAH. A step towards healing for both of you, no matter what the eventual verdict on reconciliation may be.

Couldn't agree more.

We went to lunch. I told my husband that I truly regret everything that I have put him through over the last two years. That he didn’t deserve what I put him through and that I hope that even if we are not together he can some day forgive me.

He accepted my apology and said he hopes I understand that forgiving isn’t his problem, it’s the forgetting part. He has a hard time with thoughts about my affair that creep into his mind from time to time. I told him whatever he wants to know I will tell him. I have already previously disclosed everything to him but if going over it again will help set his mind at ease I am willing to do it. At this point I want him to heal even if that means his healing process includes us not being together.

But he said something surprising to me. His sister (my former best friend) encouraged him to reach out to me. To see if there’s anything worth saving. He confided to her that he still has feelings for me. While she is rightfully angry with me she still encouraged him to contact me.

So we ate lunch and for a while just caught up with what we’ve been up to since September. His biggest news was he rescued not one but two German shepherd puppies. When I asked him why two he said because they are brothers and he could bear the thought of separating them. That kind of thing right there is what made me fall for him in the first place. I real reminder of the kind of guy he is. We talked about our jobs and our families.

Of course I had the usual rush of shame of how I’ve treated him. But I’ve learned they the only way I’m ever going to win him back is not by feeling sorry for myself and hoping for his sympathy. I have to concentrate on his feelings. I need to make him feel safe and the only way I can do that is by my actions.

So by the end of our lunch he said he’d like to see me again next weekend. I agreed with this and while there are a ton of questions in my mind I want to ask him I’m going to take this at his pace. I still am hoping for the best outcome, which I know could take years. Us being back together and trusting each other. I’m also ready if he decides that he can’t. He did hug me and kiss my cheek which is the first show of affection from him since D-Day which was in November of 2021.

Hey LostAndHoping. I just got caught up on your threads and want to say, as a fBH, I see a lot of growth in your posts. My frame of reference is that I have had the privilege of corresponding with a number of former waywards's that I refer to as "break through individuals". Ive learned so much from them. They have dug in very very hard to get to the bottom of their issues, have owned their horrific choices to entertain and enter into adultery, and have been able, due in large part to their amazing betrayed spouses, reconcile and start to heal their marriages. They are not defensive in any way and have become accountable, transparent, bounderies-minded (to the max...titanium bounderies). There are former waywards here that are of the same mindset that I have learned much from and have helped me understand and reframe that old betrayal wound of mine which devestated me for so long. The fww posters here are so good, I regularly refer other waywards here for guidance (same can be said for many of the regularly posting betrayed spouses here).

I say all of that to say, you are beginning to sound like one of those "break through waywards" I spoke of. Keep going. Keep working. Keep digging. I have this sneaking suspicion that though your BH asked for no contact, he is watching you. Hes paying attention. If anything will melt his heart, it will be seeing the ownership you have taken and the hard fought progress you are making. I know you're not doing it for him, you are doing it for you, but thats what makes it authentic.

It may he that you are a little less lost and a little more hopeful???

Anyway....keep moving forward.

Good luck.

I apologize to all who have commented on my post. I have not been replying because my father’s health has taken a turn for the worse and I haven’t been online much these last few days. Please keep him in your prayers.

L&H

Praying for your dad. I hope he takes a turn for the better.

Also, good luck with the lunch and your BH.

Sorry to hear about your Dad's health downturn. Strength to you and your family.

Sorry to hear about your father. Please take care of him and spend time with your loved ones as needed. I hope that things with your BH and you can hit pause for the moment to let you guys make the most of the time with your father.

Hey LAH, how are you? How is your Dad and family?

Hoping for the best for you all.