SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Agree with the folks who say you have enough proof to convince yourself. Any additional proof is to convince someone else.

The weirdest one to convince you have enough proof is your husband. He knows he is cheating, you know he is cheating, yet, he will act like he is not cheating and that the burden is on you to prove (to who?) that it is otherwise. A bizarre situation, when you step back and look at it.

My rec is never go there with "this is how I know" since really he just wants to know what you don’t know. To regain control of the narrative. You owe him *nothing* about your sources of knowledge. Nothing at all.

When the time comes it’s just, "I know you are cheating. 100% sure. Here’s where this is going from here."

Nothing says you know like having divorce papers delivered to him while he is visiting with her.

Unless you live in a state that recognizes adultery as grounds for divorce and you might be able to procure a favorable settlement if you can prove it, you really don't need to go through the expense and trouble of digging up irrefutable evidence.

My recommended way to confront your cheating husband is simply to file and have him served. You don't have to tell him how you know he's cheating. You know he's cheating and so does he, even if he tries to deny it.

Why would you want to stay married to someone who will not even admit they are cheating?

I get the initial Denial— but beyond that, if the person refuses to admit the truth — at some point you realize you have nothing left to work with and you would be better off Divorced.

Broken - I read your profile and I too moved about 6 hours by plane away from everyone I knew/friends/family save one friend who lived 4-6 hours by car (depending on the traffic/time of day/time of year) away. All of my friends in the area were his friends. My entire social network were his friends - every last one of them (excpct a woman 30 years older that I who would care for my dog from time to time and we really didn't socialize - just occiasional chit chat).I have no children so when this happened to me I was 100% alone and had no one to talk to in person even if I wanted to.

I am 5.5 years out from d-day one and life is very difrerent (and while financially stressful at times) 100% better. The reason for my username was likely the same way you feel right now. I just wanted to let you know WILL get better and while you have some choice about that, just know that at this stage I can remember what it felt like where you are now, but it seems like another life ago, or a movie I watched. You will get there - make yourself Plan A right now.

Just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you. I read your story on your profile and it made me so sad what he’s done to you, and so angry about the position he put your daughter in. I hope you’re holding up ok through everything ok. Senior season is emotional in the best of times. Hang in there; I think your plan to get your ducks in a row and confront him once your daughter is on her senior trip is a good one.

Broken

Please do not feel you have no one to take care of you. You do not have to end up divorced if he is willing to reconcile.

My H too (during his affair) was a lying cheating jerk leading our church youth on mission trips, leading youth groups etc.

Talk about wanting to smack some sense into hypocritical people 🤪😡

I too have terrible inner ear issues and balance. It’s an issue every day. Do I understand your fear about being single and not being able to manage. However I did not let that stop me from planning to D my H. I figured I would learn to figure it out.

Have confidence in yourself that you would be ok IF you were to D.

Just wanted to send support. I also have a senior in high school and found out last spring of WH affair. I have kept it together this whole year to give her a fabulous senior year and graduation and get her set up with university. She has no idea of what we’ve been through the last year and I am so glad I did not bring her into it. Unfortunately your WH has brought yours into this to a degree but I commend you for biding your time and waiting to take next steps until after graduation. Seems like so many of us are in the same stage of life. 20 year marriage. Kids almost grown and graduating high school.
Like others have said you definitely know enough. I was completely blindsided and had months of trickle truth which was brutal.

Hi, I am so sorry that you’re here with us. I agree with a general consensus, see a lawyer, fast, get your ducks in a row, get proof.

When you are ready, confront him, I would probably give him an ultimatum, and have the divorce papers ready.

You do not mention whether you want to continue the marriage or not. I think either way this is probably the best course of action. He has been underground for a very long time, and he’s good at cheating. I think the only way he will stop is if he sees a consequence. certainly when you’re ready to confront, and tell the other spouse. I’m so sorry again that you’re doing this, and you feel so alone.

You are not alone, there is a huge community of us who have gone through something similar

Your daughter is a good girl and I think she has a good boyfriend. Very smart kids.

Stay strong, focus on what is important for you and your kids. I am very sorry that you are all going through this.

You’ve received some good advice above, but I’d like to add that you should compile a list of the top 5 to 10 divorce attorneys in your area and then have an initial consultation with each one of them. Not only will you gain helpful information from each of them, you will also conflict each of them out from representing your husband.

This isn't a court of law. You don't have to prove to him that he's cheating. He already knows.