Topic is Sleeping.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:56 PM on Saturday, May 25th, 2024
Short answer:
Unroll that rug and then you and your BF have a good-old romp on it, taking care to leave some prominent stains...
More considered answer:
Leave it at the door at a time and date he’s agreed to and have him pick it up.
Any issue you make that he senses is giving him power. Maybe even power he doesn’t want or need, but still power. He’s living rent-free in your mind.
OR just have the delivery-company pick it up and make this their issue. He can contact them and have the address changed. That way it's not with you anymore and any time-issue becomes his problem.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:03 PM on Saturday, May 25th, 2024
Give him his rug AND his stuff in the attic.
Kill 2 birds - now he doesn’ t need to come back for anything.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 11:04 PM, Saturday, May 25th]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Abalone123 ( member #82896) posted at 6:42 PM on Sunday, May 26th, 2024
I wouldn’t want him anywhere close to my safe space ( my home) even when I am not around. Specially since he tainted that safe space and it could a lot of energy and tears to build it back up.
So the rug would go in the recycle bin or to Salvation Army. All his stuff in the attic should also be donated or trashed.
He’s moved on shamelessly. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are still holding on to some feelings ( even if it’s hatred) by unleashing on him. Indifference is the biggest F you to him at this point.
Most likely than not, AP bought the rug and is pestering him to get it back.
I would not respond to his email at all.
BallofAnxiety (original poster member #82853) posted at 8:35 PM on Friday, May 31st, 2024
Thanks to everyone who replied. I decided you all were right and the best thing I could do is give him back the indifference he's given me. I finally responded to his email today with:
"You can pick up the items when you get the stuff from the attic. I am having work done and it will be after that."
I still want to unload on him, but I've realized he would probably find that pathetic. We've been separated for almost 18 months and he immediately moved on (and moved in) with AP. So he's not had to deal with any of the fallout. He probably thinks I should be over it by now. Idk, maybe I should be. I get the sense my friends are starting to become irritated with my still talking about it. No one has said anything and I might just be projecting, but it feels like that.
Me: BW. XWH: ONS 2006; DDay 12/2022 "it was only online," trickle truth until 1/2023 - "it was 1 year+ affair with MCOW." Divorced 4/2024.
ChamomileTea ( Moderator #53574) posted at 8:53 PM on Saturday, June 1st, 2024
I get the sense my friends are starting to become irritated with my still talking about it. No one has said anything and I might just be projecting, but it feels like that.
Becoming the victim of intimate betrayal hits us at a primal level, and even though our friends and family love us and are well-meaning, there's no way for them to truly empathize. It's one of those things that you pretty much have to experience in order to understand. The feelings of loss and the number it does on our "lizard brain" are traumatic.
But this is why SI exists, right? Because people here get it. We've been there and done that, so we understand the triggers and the involuntary ruminating. So... post a lot. Read a lot. Get some virtual hugs when you need them. That's what we do here. 
(((BallofAnxiety)))
BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs); Married 40 years; in R with fWH for 10
Topic is Sleeping.
