Has anyone ever heard of such bizarre behavior?
Unfortunately, yes. My WH, while in the hospital with me awaiting my ultrasound and MRI scans for an unknown lump in my breast, which turned out to be fine but at the time was a very stressful and worrisome situation, excused himself to use the bathroom and had a quick sexting exchange with AP bringing himself to climax while I waited alone in the lobby. In fact he took so long they called me in so I went in alone, scared and worried, and he joined me about 10 minutes later as I was being prepared for the ultrasound. Sigh. He also did the same sexting thing with her another time and literally minutes later was booking a surprise outing for my birthday.
Unfortunately the behavior you describe, which would seem like your WS has been taken over by some alien force, is commonplace in affair-land. There are stories on here where WS's have been late to the delivery of their own child due to having met up with their AP, have taken advantage of the "opportunity" to be with their AP when their BS was hospitalized due to a car accident, have sent flowers to both their AP and their BS from the same florist at the same time....the examples of insane behavior is somewhat endless. The affair-behavior is almost always something a BS could have never imagined their WS doing and something they themselves cannot understand.
As a BS what you have to accept that this is the person your WS is - someone capable of these things. That is what makes a WS so unsafe and often what WS's don't "get" when indicating they want to R. Most think when caught that they can confess to some "palatable" level of the A, say they are sorry, and then expect the BS to just accept that. I remember one of these types of discussions with my WH and he just didn't understand why I could not "get over it" - I mean after all he told me multiple times that he would not do it again and was sorry/felt horrible for what he had done. I explained my position to him like this:
Imagine you had a personal accountant and they had stolen from you, maybe not even just once, but multiple times. You caught them and they confessed to some, but not all, of their thefts. You then found out about more - that they had lied in their first confession - so they confessed to what you had caught later, and they cried, said they were sorry, and that they would not do it again. Do you just say "okay" and give them access to all your money again carte blanche, based on their word and their word alone? No. You don't. Moreover, you want to understand why they did it, so you can figure out if they can fix their problem even if you want to trust them again. It's not a simple process, and the more times that person steals from you, especially after being caught and confessing, the less you should trust them. You would be crazy to do so immediately. And for some people the accountant would be fired - game over. For others they would want some assurances, monitoring of their work, and an understanding that the reason the theft happened had been addressed.
It sounds to me like you think you are done. I certainly do not blame you (and honestly wish I had been "done" sooner) as getting back to trusting someone who can do these things is tough. Your WS is still in the midst of the A so any discussion of R is impossible - you have nothing to work with. Only if the WS grasps their behavior for what it is, wants to change and works towards changing it, and understands they if they want to R it is their job to win back your trust, which is going to take a long time, can anything potentially work out between the two of you. Continue to look out for yourself, and understand that this "alien" behavior isn't really an alien at all but is part of your WS - until your WS wants to understand how they did such things and want to change you have nothing to work with.
Make yourself Plan A. If your WS wants to be a part of your Plan A your WS is going to have to work for it. Hard.
[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 4:55 PM, Sunday, November 3rd]
