TrainToUnknownDestinatio ( new member #86885) posted at 11:24 PM on Sunday, January 4th, 2026
Something I've learned from these boards is that we aren't owed R. We come clean so that we can sleep at night and our spouses can sleep at night, and we do the work for R for free. We work to heal, not because we are guaranteed a spot in our marriages. You can do all the work to reconcile and your BS may still decide to D and that's their right. But they still needed you to put in the work so they can heal and you needed it so you don't do it again in the future, either to your current spouse or to someone else. And the first part of putting in the work is coming clean, about all of it. All the dirty details. I read somewhere it's like a puzzle and you know what the puzzle is supposed to look like because you have all the information, but your BS is trying to put it together but they don't have the full picture and they're missing pieces. "Does a tree go here?" "Doesn't matter." Yes it does. Give them the puzzle pieces to the tree and they'll even see there was a bird in that tree too. Offer them puzzle pieces and understand their POV so you can support them through their pain. If they decide it's too much, then believe and trust that they are doing the best thing for themselves. You should want what's best for them, even if it's not you.
Me: WS
Dday: Nov 20, 2025
Status: Reconciling
