SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I want to thank all of you for your responses. It really helped me to get your viewpoints and kind support. Bluerthanblue, we divorced in September after I played the pick me dance for six months I think this is what really destroyed me the way he treated me in those six months. He moved out with his friend, but I’m sure he saw her every chance he could, and then once her divorce was final and her ex-husband moved out, he moved right in! He wanted to see if it would work out with her if you can believe that. I let this happen because I truly did not want to be divorced. I wanted to work on our marriage. Due to my age. He decided she live more his lifestyle and he wanted to be with her. He said he didn’t have (those feelings) for me. I Moved out bought a condo with my settlement. Last text was in November. Haven’t heard from him since he told me he would help me out anyway he could, but I never heard from him again. And I have not tried to find out anything about him. I think it’s best that way it’s too painful for me. I mean I’d like to know what’s going on and hoping that their relationship has failed already but bottom line is he’s not with me he hasn’t contacted me.

Having no contract or knowledge about him is a blessing in disguise.

So he’s known the OW for only a short period of time (less than 2 years maybe?). 🚩🚩

I’m not proud of this but I had a relative who married multiple times. Very beautiful but a nightmare to live with. Drank. Lied. Cheated etc.

Divorced one husband and found the next one. Stupidly men fell for her charm and beauty and lies. Her entire life.

Sounds like what your XH stepped into. And having watched this for decades it’s not going to be a bed of roses for him. Look how quickly she dumped her H b/c she found the "new love of her life".

Your XH isn’t special to her, he was just the next victim.

Your XH was stupidly cruel to you and chased after a mirage.

Please don’t let his bad choices define you. You need to heal yourself and choose joy and happiness.

I have a really stupid thing I do every day. I look for the laugh. Was it something at the gym or text from a friend or something a random stranger says or did? I talk to the cashier or people waiting in line etc.

If I get one laugh each day i consider it a success. During my H’s affair 13 years ago where he was kicking me to the curb for the much younger OW — there were no laughs at all. But after 3 years of healing myself I decided I’m not going to be unhappy anymore and I decided to mix it up.

My friend who struggled with cancer for 10 years was the one person I saw doing this. She always looked for the good in her day. And I swear a chocolate chip cookie can help!

[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:25 PM, Saturday, July 11th]

Thanks for taking the time to write about my situation. This woman joined our church, join the usher ministry, which my husband was head of. I didn’t think much of it. There’s other women in the ministry too. He would talk to her a lot and I was a little suspicious, but I trusted him immensely . He was a very good man. This is why I don’t understand what happened. It’s like he turned into a monster. She’s a black widow spider. She was on her fifth husband. She was telling him that they weren’t getting along they were only married six years! he told me that. I asked him to please not to talk to her so much, but I guess he never listened to me. Anyway they were carrying on an affair for two years behind my back in that church every week I would see her and never knew! That was like a gut punch to me. I was blindsided. He said after he retired he realized we didn’t have much in common anymore and I wasn’t fun !!

I guess I just want the Hallmark movie. I want him to walk in the door. Tell me he was so sorry. He made a terrible mistake. He wants me and our marriage back. I know as each day goes by. It’s less and less something that will happen. And he has much much too much pride to ever admit, he made a mistake. He’s a coward. He acted like a total coward through the whole thing running away from me never allowing me to talk about anything. He’s disappeared from our friends lives as well as our doctors that we had together our hairdresser, etc. he lives with her in another county not far from me, but I haven’t heard from him at all. Of course I’m heartbroken after 35 years and not having any family to really help me. I do see counselors but they’re not really helping me. I’m just stuck, I’m just stuck in this painful loop. And you’re right it’s time to start looking for the happiness around me. And chocolate chip cookies really do help! Ha !

Very gently, SI's rule of thumb is 2-5 years to recover from being betrayed. You've suffered a giant loss. I understand that you feel stuck. Are you? Or are you in the process of mourning? As awful as you feel, could this not be normal?

Better times may be coming.

(((Betrayed at 70))) - a hug, if a virtual hug from an anonymous brother would help