SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unhinged,

"I guess I’m just curious what came next for everyone else. Was it mostly just continuing therapy, practicing what you were learning, and giving it time? Or was there something else that really helped during this stage?"

Things that I learned:
-there’s no real big revelation or next step
-keep being consistent and honest
-continue unpacking things in IC
-consider an affair recovery course
-be more intentional about noticing self talk, motivations, etc.
-find ways to reconnect with myself in healthy ways (hobbies, friendships, interests, etc)

Thanks for asking. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that there usually isn’t one big revelation or next step. It’s more about consistently practicing what you’ve learned over time.

NMI,

I am hearing your message. I also believe the discourse regarding identity has organically come to a completion. There has been no ground gained on the topic as far as I can see, but I do think other tender topics have been touched, and possibly irritated, which is not unexpected given the unfortunate venue we find ourselves in here.

It would be a much more enjoyable to be talking about the best methods to make a bisque soup....or the wonder of the songs of birds.

In any case, I still am purposed to address a couple "religious" points you opened in your other post. But I am content to leave this topic alone.

I appreciate your engagement.✌️

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 10:43 PM, Friday, July 24th]

Thanks for asking. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that there usually isn’t one big revelation or next step. It’s more about consistently practicing what you’ve learned over time.

This is where I disagree, possibly with most people, I know for a fact that there’s possibly the biggest revelation of oneself life at the end of the line.

And it’s so simple that once you reach it you wonder how possibly you could not realize it earlier.

I come from a betrayed perspective but about this I am confident it really doesn’t matter, bs, WS or people who never dealt or have to deal with infidelity in their lives, because it is universal and deeply human.

I like it because it’s life changing and like all those things, so basic you learned to stop noticing long time ago.

WoodThrush2,

I appreciate your desire to engage with the religious points I raised, and I do believe your intentions are sincere. I want to be honest that this particular discussion touched on some painful experiences I’ve had with Christianity and with people who have represented it to me.

When you said that if I had arrived feeling completely broken and worthless you would have responded by reminding me that my identity is not defined by what I did, it brought up something difficult for me. I know that may not have been your intention, but the impact was that it felt as though compassion was easier to extend when someone arrived in a posture of expected shame, rather than when someone arrived with questions, confidence in their worth, and a desire to understand.

One thing I have learned in my own healing is that intent and impact can both matter. Someone can have sincere intentions and still have an impact they didn’t anticipate.

I appreciate that you want to respond to the specific religious points I raised, but I’m going to step back from that conversation for now. I want to engage in good faith, and I don’t think I can do that without my own experiences shaping how I receive the response. I don’t want to respond from frustration or defensiveness and miss the spirit in which something is being offered.

Thank you for the thought and sincerity you’ve brought to this discussion.

Well, when I provide comment, it is not always to agree with the poster. I endeavor to provide the advice I feel is most needed for the individual, and sometimes that might not feel comfortable to them.

You are not correct in your statement "expected shame". The hope and expectation for a Wayward is remorse and repentance. By the way, not all shame is bad. There is a good shame, if we respond rightly.

Regarding the comments on religion, I will still be offering them for the broader group, you are free to ignore.

I hope your "questions" are not really more like "agree with me or I will withdraw". I am saying that based on evidence that I have observed you doing that at least 3 times. Remember, I try to tell folks what I think is best for them....

Peace...✌️

[This message edited by WoodThrush2 at 5:11 PM, Saturday, July 25th]