Silverhopes: I am triggering a bit lately. I take a moment to feel the fear and sadness of what was and why I feel afraid with my eyes closed and in a protected position - for me it is curled up on the floor. Then after allowing those feelings for a few minutes, and telling myself it is ok and normal to feel
Them, I say that they ar not going to help me today. I open my eyes and look around to remind myself of my present. I take inventory. For me, nature helps a lot! If I can't be outside, I have a room I decorated with nature pieces and have fish, this helps me a great deal. If I am tired or hungry this is much harder too. So do take care of all of you, I hope this helps!
Sami: you're reaction to what happened to you is perfectly normal. Normal is not an equal thing. Many people with your history view sex this way. Unfortunately, the other side of withdrawing is that it feels like rejection and partners then feel their needs unmet and can cheat - obviously not all, but a support for survivors forum I am on, there is always talk of either cheating or wanting to cheat - from both sides. It is just unmet needs and poor coping skills that get us all to that point of course, but very much part of our human nature. (Not to cheat, the want to end pain somehow.)
Are you both in IC too? Perhaps you can rewire your brain. DevotedMan has a great saying or reference for this, but basically it's like you start all over. Hold hands when you feel something, or when you think you should feel something. Then maybe a hug, on time a peck on the cheek. You know? I think of this as regrouping up. That first hand hold as a kid with a boy was so sweaty! ....it feels a little weird, but redefining touch by practice and thought can help!
Of course you WH needs to address his SA needs as well!
DerealizingMe: don't be too hard on yourself-we all fall down sometimes, even with the best of intentions. Just try to do better today, that's all we can do.
I'm glad to see you recognize the toxicity of this family dynamic and are choosing to separate yourself!! Wohoo!!!
Not to say change isn't scary, but it can be liberating in ways I can't even begin to describe!
As for the pictures, can you delete them? From all sources? Or have a trusted techie friend help? That's a dick move by your H, btw, old me wants you to get even, old me is battling hard today against new me who takes the high ground....
(Some days I like old me better! )
As for SD, she will have to make her own path. Hopefully she has heard you, and perhaps feels pressured not to acknowledge that? But if anyone had said something like that to me (meaning you standing up for her body) when I was that age, regardless of whether i would acknowledge it, I sure would have heard it and let it play in my head.
I wonder if I am similar to most girls?
How are you today? Plans for he next steps? Something nice just for you today?
How is everyone today?