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Newest Member: Alteredreality

I Can Relate :
Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

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ToastedOats ( member #49617) posted at 1:41 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

Hey guys... Hebrews 13:5-6 if you believe in the bible... Cool stuff :) Relates to the I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015
id 7542149
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PinkJeepLady ( member #37575) posted at 5:58 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

Wow, thanks for sharing that verse. I am sitting here feeling overwhelmed with many trial we are going through and so glad I took a quick look here. My bible was handy and this verse is giving me the bit of peace I need right now.

Thanks ToastedOats!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled - thought so, but now divorcing

posts: 786   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7542298
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PinkJeepLady ( member #37575) posted at 6:03 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

Prayers for you faithfulfeathers! I very well understand the struggle with flight or fight. I am so tempted with "flight", but feel I am doing what God wants by staying where I am. At least for now :).

I hope you feel the strength of many prayers in your behalf as you get through the weekend events. Take care!

Me: BW Him: FWH
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas
Reconciled - thought so, but now divorcing

posts: 786   ·   registered: Nov. 21st, 2012   ·   location: Out West
id 7542300
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faithfulfeathers ( member #48338) posted at 7:49 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

Thank you ToastedOats, those verses are a great reminder that He is right here.

PinkJeepLady, thank you for your prayers and understanding. They are felt and so appreciated.

BW (31)
WH (34)
D-day 5/12/15
Double betrayal with younger sister almost 2 yr affair.
Mar. 2016: Cheating started with ex girlfriend in 2005-6.

posts: 84   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7542341
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ToastedOats ( member #49617) posted at 9:35 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

/me hugs both of his sisters in Christ.

Lord help us through our daily struggles. WE believe and trust you to because you promised to. You will never fail us.... and praise for the mercy you have show us... help us to show that to others. And the grace you have given us... helps us never to forget the kindness you put in our lives. We love you so much. In your precious name Jesus. Amen.

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015
id 7543025
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hihn ( member #43986) posted at 11:31 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2016

I was reading these verses anyone want to share any thoughts.

Mat 11:28 "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, & I will give you rest.

Mat 11:29 "Take my yoke upon you, & learn from me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart; & you will find rest for your souls.

Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, & burden is light."

Me BS 58yo, Him WS 55yo, sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners,but is more likley 80+

posts: 393   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2014   ·   location: colorado, U.S.
id 7543142
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ToastedOats ( member #49617) posted at 8:58 PM on Saturday, April 30th, 2016

HIhn,

That's just the thing. Today I was talking to a Young person about the way his girl was treating him. He was shocked. I could call out all the craziness that his girl was putting him through. He was going to end up here soon. In fact I had him read some of the JFO stories...

Then I told him.. about my confidence. Those versus are the foundation of my belief. My faith is super-natural that comes from my relationship with the Lord. My belief is my choice. When God gives me those promises Do I really believe. Can I operate on them? Every-time I come to stop light on the Road Do I have to ask him show me a sign or I cant move...sometimes He just wants me to keep going because He promises me victory in the end. Not only that he will be there with me till the very end of time itself So I strive forward. Not fearing. Cause even if I get screwed in the end. I will be alright. I AM LOVED.

Look at 1 Corinthians 10 12-13. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation[c] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[d] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[e] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

I get in trouble when I lean on my pride... and not on the love of the Lord. He never gives me to much to handle. Provides a way out. And loves me even though I screw up :)

I know in my life, it was when I could get past this elementary choice of belief on my part that I started to mature in my love and my relationship with the LORD and others around me. :)

Hope this helps. My thoughts are all over ATM. Sorry.

The Lord bless you!

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015
id 7543760
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faithfulfeathers ( member #48338) posted at 12:55 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2016

Thank you both for sharing these verses.

I have held on to Isaiah 41 since day one, not just "fear not", but the whole chapter. He does provide where there is nothing. I just need to have Faith and believe and He will be there.

Sometimes I fall, this brings me back again and again.

BW (31)
WH (34)
D-day 5/12/15
Double betrayal with younger sister almost 2 yr affair.
Mar. 2016: Cheating started with ex girlfriend in 2005-6.

posts: 84   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7543919
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hihn ( member #43986) posted at 2:30 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2016

Thank you ToastedOats& faithfulfeathers for sharing your thoughts & verses.

Me BS 58yo, Him WS 55yo, sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners,but is more likley 80+

posts: 393   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2014   ·   location: colorado, U.S.
id 7543961
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dotterofTheKing ( member #45223) posted at 6:02 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2016

Hihn, the Matthew 11 verses were just what I needed today. When I feel like life is too difficult and I'm feeling unbearable weight, it's usually a sign that I'm not leaning on Jesus but trying to do it on my own. I need to trust Jesus!

I was BW (48), He was WH (47) at D-day
Together 27 years, married for 24
D-day was August 4, 2014
We have 3 beautiful children. (Two sons 19 and 20, one daughter 14.)
Affair with HS sweetheart.
Divorced January 26, 2016

posts: 605   ·   registered: Oct. 14th, 2014
id 7544049
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 4:04 PM on Sunday, May 1st, 2016

Knowing Jesus isn't just an insurance policy to get us into heaven after we crash and burn (it is that, of course).....it's also the keys to a kick-ass ride UNTIL we get to heaven.

--a Blakesteele original, as I ponder Jesus in relation to something I know and enjoy....cool cars!

Just a reminder that we have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ that is far more than "joyous later when we get to heaven", we are to have joy NOW....restoration starts in this world, heart wounds heal daily. Life on this fallen planet does have its struggles but it also has its victories too! There is peace to be made and enjoyed even amongst the daily battles.

The pain of my wife's affair, the shame I felt, the guilt I had......it's all worked to open my eyes to more reality then I ever knew existed.

Some of that reality hurts, some of it doesn't....but all of it offers new hope and deeper healing than I ever would have known had this trial of trials never entered my life. My relationship with the living God has grown exponentially.

I'm not even in a great spot this morning....feeling distant from my wife. And yet I am full of peace.

I don't recognize the guy I was 4 years ago upon my first DD. I see a new male member in the R forum that was me...and my heart hurts for him, but I have hope for him. The amount of pain he is in right now is over loading his coping skills. As it does he is searching for new-to-him healthy ways of processing reality rather than continued running from it. I've nudged him, but have faith God is opening new doors for him....just like he does for all of us.

We must invite the healing work of Jesus into our lives NOW....and be courageous and bold enough to use that new vision to see and go through those newly opened doors.

Rally on!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:51 AM, May 1st (Sunday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7544223
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demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 5:24 PM on Monday, May 2nd, 2016

I made it through the wedding. I must say I melted down pre-wedding. At the rehearsal, I walked out while they practiced the vows. By the second time, I couldn't do it. I did the whole..."how could you do this" thing Saturday morning but the wedding itself was lovely. I had a nice time at the reception. So, thank you all for your prayers.

Faithful feathers? How was yours?

BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy

posts: 2073   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2015
id 7544941
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faithfulfeathers ( member #48338) posted at 10:17 PM on Monday, May 2nd, 2016

Demolishedinside, I'm so happy you made it through and we're able to enjoy the wedding despite the doubts and heartache.

I'm really struggling and down, my brother's wedding feels like just yet another thing I've lost in this mess. Today was back to autopilot through work, but I did read most of Hosea and am trying to just pray and breathe through it.

Many prayers for all that are here.

BW (31)
WH (34)
D-day 5/12/15
Double betrayal with younger sister almost 2 yr affair.
Mar. 2016: Cheating started with ex girlfriend in 2005-6.

posts: 84   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7545246
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ToastedOats ( member #49617) posted at 8:42 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

blakesteele

I agree. Be bold be strong for the lord our God is with us. Galatians 5:22-23 List JOY as one of the fruits of the spirit. These are the benefits of our light yoke or burden because we are equipped to deal with anything. There is a qualifier though. IN order to use those gifts or benefits of GOD we need to believe not just a surface touch and go realizations. More of one that is grounded in the Lord.

Its interesting though. He still gives us free will . We have to deal with the consequences of our actions. Not all of them. But some of them. The one part that is interesting though IF you look @ Matt 17:20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”

Faith comes from our relationship from the Lord. That is supernatural we cannot earn more or less of our faith But our belief on the other hand. That is something that must be exercised by our own decisions. God will not force us. We must exercise our belief in order to move mountains. Experiencing that joy is a choice that comes from exercising that relationship with the Lord. Its there but it grows deeper as the relationship grows deeper.

HMM.. a good example that fits this environment and the issues we deal with in our marriages..might be: Imagine a Niagara falls barrel guy act. You watch him go down the mighty falls. Now he grabs the barrel and goes back to the top. When he gets there a crowd forms from watching his act. He calls out to the crowd and says "Hey who has faith that I can go down this fall?" Because he has already revealed himself to them some who saw, the raise their hands. He then calls out "Who here will in exercise their faith and get in the barrel with me and trust we both will make it safely down?" The more you go along for that ride. The safer you will feel on it. I am not talking about the crazy ride of our emotions and the issues of those people around us. I specify the light yoke and light burden, or the comfort that can only come from the relationship with the LORD. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015
id 7546160
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ToastedOats ( member #49617) posted at 7:51 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2016

Another verse.

When I do things that Are hard or things that grind on me.. Sometimes those things like showing love and mercy... Tough love, and mercy that I know its time and that I should. I Shouldn't do them to please people. As a people pleaser I struggle with this concept. I am looking out for Man's Approval. This is the very definition of co-dependency. I have freedom in this. My freedom is in the LORD.

Galatians 10:1

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Paul is talking about people who is questioning his motives for working in the ministry. What a bold statement. How I watch my relationships change for the better when I treat them with this as my core. When I refuse to bend my morals and my values for others.

posts: 68   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015
id 7547154
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sleeplessincali ( member #50650) posted at 10:04 PM on Thursday, May 5th, 2016

Having a hard day. Please see "crisis in faith" thread on the recon forum.

Out of bed finally, that is something good.

Me:BS/SAHM on DDAY Oct 31 2015
I'm now a working mom with a BA in Advertising.

Him:Getting better

Change is not easy, but growth demands it.

posts: 348   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2015
id 7548320
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faithfulfeathers ( member #48338) posted at 11:54 PM on Thursday, May 5th, 2016

Prayers (((sleeplessincali)))

ToastedOats, thank you for sharing that verse. Looking back I see the struggle in myself particularly in my marriage to find the balance of serving my husband and serving God. It's less of a battle now, because I can see where seeking H's approval leads and am trying my best to follow Christ in my actions. To let Christ love through me with my actions and set boundaries because He loves me, too. Lots to think on and I really appreciate it!

BW (31)
WH (34)
D-day 5/12/15
Double betrayal with younger sister almost 2 yr affair.
Mar. 2016: Cheating started with ex girlfriend in 2005-6.

posts: 84   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2015   ·   location: United States
id 7548420
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 4:10 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2016

Struggling a bit....but not hard.

This revolves around interacting with my wife and discussing feelings. Bit of tension regarding her giving me her daily schedule. She does it but likens it to getting the kids ready for school and is accepting it as a consequence of her choice to have an affair.

When I asked her how she felt doing it it took her several tries to get to an actual feeling.....much talk about what she THINKS but very tough to express a true feeling.

I know this is part of her pattern of living...a product of her FOO. I also get that I've had similar struggles. Pretty common trait of those of us who come from a FOO that has one or more of the following traits: addiction, abuse, neglect and abandonment.

I KNOW the right thing to do is to express a feeling and trust the person you are expressing it to to treat it kindly. But my FEELING is I'm gonna get hurt again!

On a lesser note....she is trying to be there for a friend who is going through a very weird time in her life with her husband and family. Suspicions are there is an affair on her part...but zero facts for that. Just some flags waving that my wife saw in her during her path to adultery.

Her interactions with this friend are TOUGH for us to discuss....I feel strong empathy for what the other husband, and it comes through. I do my best to curb that....to not project. But finding it very tough. We are at the point where this is a topic we don't discuss....though my wife desires to.

I need courage and discernment in large quantities.

I have faith God will provide that to me.

I also know my feelings have ME wanting to "do something now!".

smile.

I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I was, eh?

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7549033
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demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 5:30 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2016

Yes, Blakesteele. Thank God for that for all of us.

That sounds like it would be really hard...and triggery. Does the husband know? I would think in that case you might be a great help and resource to him, as you have helped many of us here.

Many prayers headed your way.

BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy

posts: 2073   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2015
id 7549123
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sleeplessincali ( member #50650) posted at 5:56 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2016

Thank you to those of you who posted in my thread on recon yesterday. I am feeling better today, a little bit anyway. I had a group job interview that was a bit humorous for a luxury bag co. I was the oldest one there and the most experienced in HR and retail yet I'm pretty sure they will give the job to the cute 17 year old who has been doing retail "forever". I was trying not to laugh....

I feel like this whole interviewing thing it's just a joke, I have gone through several since DD, I can barely concentrate and so I just told God to just do whatever he's going to do.... I'm going to try my best but I'm clearly not at my best and the job market is tough.

Blakesteele, I wanted to comment on your situation with your wife's friend, the possible affair. One of the reasons why my D-Day happen when it did was because I became hyper-alert due to my best friend's situation. God used her to help me and she does not even realize it. She was in the middle of an emotional affair. She knew it was wrong but refused to give a full no contact letter for 6 months. She put her husband in limbo for six months. I'm finding that God is using me to help her now see how she needs to help her husband heal. She doesn't even realize that I'm going through the same thing that her spouse is going through. I haven't told her anything. I feel like it's kind of a conflict of interest. It is excruciatingly hard though. Angry at her, angry at my husband......but if God can use you to help your wife help her friend those are all good things.

Me:BS/SAHM on DDAY Oct 31 2015
I'm now a working mom with a BA in Advertising.

Him:Getting better

Change is not easy, but growth demands it.

posts: 348   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2015
id 7549148
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