Hello,
I am a returning SI participant going on over ten years since initial D-Day.
Ex WH (I called him "Perv" for years because I couldn't say his name for a long time) met OW during the marriage to me. I don't say our marriage because in looking back, it was always him saying me and you or mine and yours. Dating sites were fairly new then, or at least not very known in the area and group of people most socialized with, though apparently he had another set of people he socialized with and learned about it.
Ex WH pretended to come back to the marital home and to the marriage. Put on the rings, was going to re-do vows, apologized profusely to anyone who would listen and BAM! I got pregnant. During that time, Ex WH had gotten fired from a (decent) job and moved in with OW, but pretended to go to work and actually moved out while I attended school events and doctor's appointments for DD and my pregnancy.
When the baby (DS) arrived (quite late), Ex WH would drive my car to his home with OW and back (2 hours away and in another state).
Ex WH told OW that he was a widower, to explain DD (now grown up, phew). Ex WH also had taken out a multi-hundred thousand insurance policy on me, but I am not dead all these years later...my divorce lawyer found it and told him to cancel it.
New Baby (DS), DD and I were allowed to stay in the marital home until DS was born. So, quite literally a week later, the lights did not come on, the well broke and we were let to run out of wood-I was stay at home mom already over ten years.
I can remember packing our stuff, looking for an apartment, looking for a job. Driving a 12 year old to middle school while newborn DS tried to sleep and all the other things we do for kids of those ages, alone, for the majority of my family of origin has moved away.
Fast forward to now (2024). DD moved on and is grown up and DS is over ten years old. We became homeowners during the pandemic lockdown in a nearby area and I no longer let Ex WH into my home or even in my yard, for not being able to trust him.
I have a savings account now and will never let myself or us be put in such a position, ever again. Although I have long periods of being alone (the visitation for DS still goes on, as they do) it is better than worrying constantly what another adult is doing, when is he coming home, WILL he come home tonight, when will I hear from him again and so on?
Divorce also told me to live only where I can pay for it by myself and that simple is best-in every way.
I wish everyone on SI safety and peace in these uncertain times and just know that if I can do it, from having nothing and no money to homeowner, college graduate and DS having high honors, anyone can.
Thank you.