Skan ( member #35812) posted at 11:25 PM on Friday, December 19th, 2014
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 5:19 AM on Thursday, December 25th, 2014
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 8:57 PM on Saturday, January 3rd, 2015
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 6:51 PM on Wednesday, January 7th, 2015
BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
cantaccept ( member #37451) posted at 12:25 AM on Sunday, January 18th, 2015
"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie
5454real ( member #37455) posted at 8:27 PM on Monday, January 19th, 2015
BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 8:27 AM on Thursday, January 22nd, 2015
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
MangledHeart ( Webmaster) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, January 28th, 2015
I just realized you guys have been bumping this thread for over five years! 
I'll save you the trouble. 
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom
LAFA ( member #31868) posted at 8:39 PM on Wednesday, January 28th, 2015
Thank you, MH! Great idea.
When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.
doodle123 ( new member #46638) posted at 2:41 PM on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015
Shattered0917 ( new member #47225) posted at 11:10 PM on Wednesday, March 18th, 2015
I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right spot I'm so new to this.. I need help ! I have no one to talk to I am too ashamed for anyone to know.. My husband and I r known to everyone I know friends and family as the perfects.. We have been so I sink with each other since day one and I have always felt so loved .. Well by accident I came across a plenty of fish account on his phone .. I had to dig cause I was confused.. I shouldn't have because my life has been destroyed.. My husband has been online cheating sexting sending pics ect for months and since dec had been actually going out and sleeping with other women at least 45!!!! I confronted him he tried to sugar coat it and say I did nothing wrong he just needed a self esteem boost and that he's done and he promises it will never happen again.. I'm trying so hard to believe him since I did say for better or for worse.. Sorry for the ramble help im do alone
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 10:15 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2015
Shattered,
You should start a new topic in Just Found Out and put your story there.
I'm sorry you've had to join us here, but you have found the best place for advice and healing.
I can't imagine the pain of discovering your spouse has been with scores of other women. I'm so sorry. But please prepare yourself for more as the truth comes out.
I think with this sort of scenario, the first thing you need to do is get to the doctor. Explain the situation (I know it's hard) and get tested for STDs. He should also be tested. No unprotected sex until you have seen his results.
I wish you the best. It's going to be rough, but you will get through this.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Number ( new member #48226) posted at 10:17 AM on Sunday, June 14th, 2015
Thanks for putting together this Tactical Primer. On my own I've covered many of the steps... But not all.
I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.
I appreciated the part which talked about being accused of invading the wayward spouses' privacy when looking for objective evidence of the affair or continuing communication with the other person. I did confront her with my findings but was made to feel like I was the one who was doing something wrong... And yes... I've been blocked from phone access and FaceBook and made to feel like I am overly rigid.
I'm not happy that I'm here but am thankful that I have a place to come where I can get some support and get my head & heart centered in the right place.
Denise88 ( new member #48732) posted at 3:54 PM on Sunday, August 16th, 2015
thanks so much, if only i have come to place sooner, i made so many mistakes 
3eyeblind ( member #45921) posted at 2:33 AM on Saturday, September 5th, 2015
Thank you....wish I had read this when I first found out.
WH got the 7 year itch and a borderline personality disordered cw happened to be around to take care of him....aww.
HurtungWife123 ( new member #49496) posted at 12:56 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2015
BW 49, WH 46, M 14 years, T 22 yrs
DS 25 (mine) DDs 11 and 13 (ours)
DDay 8/25/15, Headed for D
Working on R but keeping options open.
I take in stray animals, stray people, I'm kind of a sucker. Typo in name, meant HURTING
loneliestman ( member #49753) posted at 8:36 AM on Saturday, September 26th, 2015
A fantastic primer. Tactics/strategies are everything. They give you goals. Keep you focused. I like the idea of boundaries. It sets out the framwork of a workable marriage from this point on. If those boundaries can't be met by the cheater - and that the boundaries are perfectly reasonable, then there's no hope for the marriage.
loneliestman ( member #49753) posted at 8:38 AM on Saturday, September 26th, 2015
I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.
I think it's just you giving yourself a break from the trauma. We all need a break from it, particularly when it's all-consuming.
SheRecovers ( new member #49862) posted at 12:34 AM on Wednesday, October 7th, 2015
This is very helpful. I am 3 weeks out and am still as mesed up as day 1. It is helpful to hear I do not have to make any life altering decisions yet and it is still early and I can grieve a bit longer.
griddeniefr ( new member #49891) posted at 10:44 PM on Friday, October 9th, 2015
Wow,all I can say is Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is a great breakdown and I have already started copying phone records and took pictures of days worth of texting. I also got copies of the 401K and he would have to provide his retirement info. because it's online. I don't think my WH realizes that because were 56 and 57 that it's too close to retirement for me to start trying to get retirement $$$ together. I have not given him a choice yet because I'm about 3 weeks in since D day, but with some more time and counselling, I know I can get there.
Getting stronger everyday!
UN should be Griefridden (damn fat finger typing)
