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I have a simple ask for help. Really not so simple. I do not have the answers and do not pretend to know the answers. But I want to help comfort my wife and always make her feel safe. I Love my wife! And I recognize that my past affair in 2018 brings all that I do now or previously did into question.
The recent news of Jensen Huang's affair has set my wife into a fit of rage. Similar but even more severe than prior news of affairs by men in power (Bezos, Gates, Vrabel and others). How can I best comfort her in such times? What can I do to help in any way?

Over eight years later — and a fit of rage — sounds like a trigger connecting to a lot of unprocessed trauma.

I’m ten years later, and while the news you mentioned is a trigger, it doesn’t reopen any wounds for me.

Ultimately, you make someone feel safe by being safe.

I don’t know if you all had counseling and worked through things.

I don’t know what you’ve done so far to learn about why you made the choices you did, or the work you’ve done since.

My M includes 10-years of me processing all my pain, getting all of my questions answered, and my wife becoming the best version of herself.

Hard to know how to answer your question without knowing the work either of you have done since discovery day.

How can I best comfort her in such times? What can I do to help in any way?

You can’t do anything.
But while you cannot do, you can be :

If you feel genuinely and truly disgusted at the affairs, cheaters and affair partners in a way that truly makes you vomit.
She will take notice.

Sure it might be pointed out the obvious, that you were there too. And this will open a fight with your shame.

But if you are truly disgusted, then your remorse has already won the battle against shame, and true things are felt.

This will help her more than a billion words or gestures.

Because if it’s true, it will have already helped you to become the person you always deserved to be.

Sadie28,

I have a simple ask for help. Really not so simple.

Boy and howdy, you are correct, your ask is anything but "simple". What works for one couple may be injurious to another. Consider advice but reject blueprints.

But I want to help comfort my wife and always make her feel safe. I Love my wife! And I recognize that my past affair in 2018 brings all that I do now or previously did into question.

It is good that you "want" to comfort your wife. It is good that you "want" to make her feel safe. But think about your phrasing. Yes, to want is a necessary starting point in the reconciliation process. However, 8 years post affair, are you? Are you comforting? Are you safe? Or just wanting to be? I am not stating you are not, it is simply a question for your consideration. If you are not, then there is lots of work for you to engage. If you are, then stay strong and consistent, display that for your wife while she is in a crises state. Be understanding, kind, patient, and discard all temptations to justify your actions or correct her misconceptions. Again, I am not saying that you are not doing these things just attempting to answer your questions the best I know how with extremely limited information.

Some here believe that you could not possibly have loved your wife during your affair. I personally do not fall into that camp, but it was the most unloving, destructive thing you could have done. It took my wife a very long time to grasp how devastating her affair was to me. Pre knowledge of an affair, many betrayed partners will state that thought they "knew they were loved". However, post affair, the absoluteness of the permanence of the knowledge of that love is probably forever gone. A doubt most likely will always linger in the recesses. For some betrayeds that may not be the case. But I know that for me and from the many I have read here at SI, doubt’s tentacles cling tenaciously in the dark places.

The recent news of Jensen Huang's affair has set my wife into a fit of rage. Similar but even more severe than prior news of affairs by men in power (Bezos, Gates, Vrabel and others). How can I best comfort her in such times? What can I do to help in any way?

Be there. Be strong. Be consistent. And sit it out with her for as long as she needs.

I believe it is important for you to fully understand; you sacrificed her safety for something fleeting. I am not attempting to burden you with shame. Shame is not helpful for you or your wife. I am simply sharing my experience for your consideration and hopeful for you and your wife’s reconciliation.

Asterisk