BS - 46 (me)
XW/WW - 44 (leftoolate)
D-day 1 January 9 2009, January 10 2009, February 27 2009
Divorced Mya 2021
D-day 2 July 2021
Married 18 years, together 28.
Children: 2 girls aged 17 and 16

Getting to terms with the marriage-ending-affair

So, I got divorced this spring because XW just did not want the marriage anymore. And if one is completely unwilling, that's it. Having an affair from over ten years ago as emotional baggage put a stop to making great efforts to try and save the marriage (there's more to it, this is the executive summary).

Quick timeline:
Jan 2021 - L tells me she wants a divorce
Feb/Mar 2021 - Talks/ walks/ decision to get divorced
Mar/ Apr/ May 2021 - mediation
May 2021 - Divorce final
May/ Jun 2021 - Frantically looking for a new house
Jul 2021 - L informs me a romantic interest was part of the reasons to get divorced; she didn't want to deal with another A.
Jul/ Aug 2021 - Remodeling new house
Aug 2021 - moved out

After the divorce was final it became apparant that a friendship between her and a male that had been bugging me for the last years had turned romantic. In her words she discovered in December 2020 that she had fallen in love with him. She told me this much because there was a possibility this info might reach the kids though friends of them.

About a month ago my new home was ready to move into and I did so. From this point I've had time to actually think things through and I'm coming to the conclusion that (of course) she is still minimizing things, withholding information and probably lying about the extent of the affair. I have decided that asking for information is not going to do me any good as I will just assume the answers will still be minimized information. She might even just confirm my suspicions to be done with it. On the other hand I'm having a really hard time letting go and not going for more information. I'm tormenting myself with scenario's as to the extent of the affair and having imaginary conversations with her to get it out in the open.

Not sure if there is a question I want to ask you guys, mostly looking for a place to vent I guess.

PS. Bit unsure if the Divorce/ Separation section is the right section for this.

19 comments posted: Wednesday, September 22nd, 2021