Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
Emotional abuse?
I started a new job recently in the mental health field and have been doing many trainings on things like trauma, domestic violence, and other triggery topics. The trainings combined with things that have been going on with my XBH lately have been making me do a lot of thinking on things that have happened in the past. (this also includes things from my childhood and my parents but that is s a whole other thing I need to process)
Many of the things I have been learning about domestic violence and emotional abuse are things that I experienced when I was still married to my XBH and part of the reason I finally asked for a D.
Additionally, many of the things that I have learned about trauma are things that I see in myself, both from my M and more disturbingly from my A...like thinking about it still and how awful I was is something that still haunts me today. I still have dreams often about my AP and my old job, but they are never good dreams about him. They are usually replaying when I finally confessed everything to my boss.
But then that makes no sense either cuz I feel like I can't call it a trauma because its something I did to myself?? And as for the emotional abuse, that is also something else that I feel I caused to happen, if that is even what it was.
I look at my behaviors now when I have tried dating and have been getting to know someone, and many of the negative things that I find myself doing are things that appear to be common with people who have experienced , you guessed it, trauma and emotional abuse.
I also feel almost guilty for saying maybe thats what it was because the emotional abuse wasn't as bad as the textbook definition of abuse or domestic violence.
I realize this doesn't make much sense and may be unorganized but I just need to get it out.
14 comments posted: Friday, March 5th, 2021
Hello old friends
My last visit to SI was 2019 but for some reason I decided to come check it out again. There is something so comforting about it...to see so many familiar names and to go back to old posts. Its also a little triggery and eye opening. Perhaps I should stick around for a bit.
10 comments posted: Sunday, February 21st, 2021
