D-Day: June 2013 discovered two-month EA/PA
Reconciled…until….
H told me Nov 2024 he’s unhappy
Separated (and blindsided)

Separating (not by choice) - where to start?

My husband had a brief affair 12 years ago, and this forum and all of you were a godsend. Thanks to that plus lots of work and change, we remained married and things were good..or so I thought.

We became empty nesters in September, and I thought we were enjoying this new chapter in our lives, until on Sunday my husband told me he's been unhappy for years, feels unloved, unappreciated, unsupported, and on. He said he needed space to sort through his thoughts about whether the marriage can be saved and even if it can, whether it makes sense to try. He left and is planning to be out of the house indefinitely. We don't have a structure or guidelines or anything in place to help us navigate separation.

This was a total surprise to me. I'm stunned and blindsided, and I don't know where to start besides talking to a therapist, so I have that scheduled.

I haven't told my parents (who would be a huge source of emotional support to me), because I know once I share this news, there's no going back as far as their opinion of him, us, me.

We haven't told our college kids, as this news is three days old, but I have no idea when or how to broach that.

I want to reach out to friends for support but also am wary of sharing personal and private news too broadly right now, especially when the kids don't know.

The only bright spot is that financially I'm secure, independent of him.

For those of you who have been there, what advice do you have? How do I take care of myself and protect my kids, when I'm hanging in limbo?

10 comments posted: Thursday, November 14th, 2024