Me - 36, BS
Him - 47, WS
1 PA for 3 months (2013), multiple EA's (texting, pictures, calls, $$$ phone bills)
Dday - Nov 8th 2013
Married 06/2012
3 DD's - DOB 2012/2014/2019
Attempting R
Feeling like it’s over
Hi all,
Looking for some similar experiences or advice from others. I haven’t been on here in a number of years, but I don’t really know who else to turn to right now.
I think my marriage is over. It’s been awful for the last year or two, and I can’t decide if I should stay or if we just need to let it go at this point.
We haven’t had sex since June 2022. When we get along, I would describe it more as like friendly co-parents than a relationship. We can laugh and joke around (when it’s good), but there’s no physical or emotional intimacy. I can’t remember the last time we had a real conversation about something other than logistics or the kids. I can’t remember the last time we went on a date just the two of us - if we do ever go out it’s with a group of friends and we spend most the night talking with others as opposed to each other.
When things are bad, we get into horrible arguments and can go weeks without talking (unhealthy, I know). More recently, maybe within the last 6 months, he’s started getting into fights in front of our kids which I’ve always been very careful not to expose them to. But he will yell at me, swear at me, and get into these arguments while they’re in the room which just makes me feel awful. I feel like there’s just a complete lack of respect. I know marriage is supposed to be "for better or worse", and people always make such a big deal about how admirable it is when people work out their differences and stay together no matter what…. But I’m just struggling to believe this is something we can work through.
I’ve been a SAHM for the past 10 years, aside from some part time work for a number of years, and it has always been a joint decision. He wanted me to stay home with the kids to make sure they had the opportunity to go to activities and have the best childhood…. I’ve had the opportunity twice now to go back to work fulltime and I would say he has played a large part in talking me out of it for one reason or another. But whenever we fight, he always brings up the fact that he makes the money and provides us the lifestyle we have. In the past when I’ve gone to visit my friends or family (with or without the kids), and he’s stayed home to work, he makes me feel so guilty for vacationing with his money, or going on vacationing while he has to work.
To his credit, he is a great dad and incredibly hardworking. He is exceptional at his job and has always provided for our family.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Partly just needing somewhere to vent, partly wondering if this is beyond salvaging, or if I want to. It’s just become incredibly lonely and isolating.
7 comments posted: Tuesday, January 30th, 2024
