Me: BW 68 (59 at dday) WH: 69 (60 at dday)D-day 1/2015 EA/PA 1.25 year w/COW M 31 yrs, 4 grown kids Reconciling, which is not easy! Still Grieving what I thought our M was and who I thought he was

Option B by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg

This book goes through the stages of trauma and grief after the unexpected death of Sheryl Sandberg's husband.

As a BS 2.5 years out, I found it very helpful. I am still grieving and struggling with the trauma of the A. What a slow process this seems, at least in our (now I know) conflict-avoidant, dysfunctional relationship.

I think this book might have been premature if I had read it close to dday - but not sure about that.

7 comments posted: Sunday, July 16th, 2017

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley

:Building an Affair-proof Marriage.

The author is also the Marriage Builders site owner.

I thought there was a lot of helpful advice for making a marriage closer and stronger. It includes how to survive an affair.

However, I think there is too much emphasis on a WS "unmet needs," being the"cause" of the affair. This philosophy seems outdated and more like something you'd learn in the 60's.

I think WS lack of GIVING in the marriage and fear of confrontation with the BS to address those "needs" should be added to this book.

In spite of that negative I thought the needs described were helpful, especially to clarify my need for conversation. It was referred to in the book as intimate conversation, something I have really wanted in our M, but haven't managed to get enough .

3 comments posted: Monday, August 29th, 2016

Vow: A Memoir of Marriage (and Other Affairs) by Wendy Plump

She was both a cheater and a betrayed wife. Very sad story, really, but I found it gave some insight into the cheater's mind. (I am a BW.) I don't condone their life in any way. Some good writing, I looked up many words, so learned something there.

At 19 months I am still seeking answers to the why's. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone JFO! I tend to pain shop, so this is part of that process, I think. Not the best book, but it's out there and not terrible. I was searching the library for books on marriage and this was on the list.

0 comment posted: Wednesday, August 24th, 2016