Married 1998 Five children D-day 9/11/16 Affair lasted one year

It's been seven years since D-day. Things are better, but...

I once read somewhere (maybe here) that it takes 2-5 years to get over being betrayed by an affair. We're at seven years now and I can honestly say things are better. At least, they seem to be better. However, every now and then my wife will do something that sends red flags up and all I can think about is if she's doing something again. Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm not. It's been years since I have mentioned anything about the affair because I don't want to be the guy who keeps pulling that card for little or no reason. I just avoid the subject and try to enjoy life and our marriage.

Here are a couple things that she did back in '15 and '16 when she was cheating (long distance affair):

1. She lost a lot of weight and was dolling up more and looking great.

2. She would come to bed late at night, long after I had already hit the sack and fallen asleep.

Here we are, and she has lost a lot of weight again and looking absolutely awesome, especially for a woman of 48. She's down to her wedding day weight now and it's quite incredible. She's also making it a habit of coming to bed late again, well after I'm asleep. Now, those two things in a vacuum wouldn't make me wonder, but with her history, I am, in fact wondering. She went out tonight on her own to do some clothes shopping, so I'm here with the kids. Of course, the entire night I'm sitting here, wondering if something's going on.

Maybe I'm being overly suspicious, but who's to say?

In the couple of years after finding out, I always looked forward to year four or five with the hope that I would be 100% past the infidelity and never be concerned about it again, but maybe that's just not how it happens for some people. Maybe the thoughts of renewed betrayal will always be lurking below the surface and be released when something triggers them. I could live with that...as long as I knew she was "clean."

Anyway, just showing up to talk and hear back from people.

59 comments posted: Monday, October 2nd, 2023