Me: BH Mid 50's
Her: WW Mid 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Separated and going through a very amicable divorce
It's been a while
I haven't posted on this board for at least two years, maybe longer, I would occasionally read stories but not often. I found another support forum that was more my style and became active with them and am still working with them. I mean absolutely no offense to the people here and I hope that doesn't offend anyone.
I recently chatted with a SI member which inspired me to drop a quick line in the off chance that there is someone from a few years ago that might remember my username who might enjoy an update.
The past couple years have been good / challenging. I was let go from my company and after some searching thankfully found another position, my middle child graduated HS and decided to attend a school about three hours away, my youngest is a Sr. in HS and my oldest lives here.
Wife and I have been separated for close to two years, we live in the same house in different rooms and don't really hang out or spend much time. She travels and is gone for most of the time and it has worked out just fine. At some point I just gave up the idea of R, literally gave it up completely and cold-turkey. I just stopped and didn't want to do anymore, this was around two years ago and I never brought anything up again, never shared a hurt or a pain, it just all felt pointless. I continued to go through some bouts of anger over the injustice and unfairness, just like we all do. Nowadays I don't really have that anger anymore, maybe a few little twinges now and then. I found it goes away when you reach acceptance that it's pointless.
We went the mediator route with a divorce and she has been wonderful. She's been agreeable and cooperative. It's interesting in that I have a lot of sadness over what could have been, but it also feels for the first time in a long time we are on the same side of an issue and working together as partners.
I'm still a work in progress in that I have the divorce papers here at my desk, the settlement is reviewed and approved, everything in order it just requires getting it notarized and sent in, and I'm dragging my feet. She hasn't signed hers either but we don't talk so I don't know her reasons. I can't say I totally understand my reasons for dragging either. Like I said, a work in progress.
So that's an update. I'm hoping everyone here is also doing well.
3 comments posted: Monday, November 11th, 2024
Wife has moved to D!
My story isn't very complicated and some here know it, my WW wasn't really doing much work to help R and so I've been basically battling her to up her game and meet me at the table.
Yesterday I basically told her that if she's not in, and isn't gonna be in, then let's just rip off the band-aid, I'll understand, and I'll be fine. I don't want her to be unhappy.
So today she basically tells me she's done. Wants to move toward D. In house seperation until she can move out next month.
I'm shocked, not terribly surprised as I was thinking it was inevitable (I mean it takes two to make it work!). But I have to process how I feel about it. There's a lot coming at me here.
I really feel like I did all I could. The only thing I couldn't do was rugsweep. It was probably inevitable.
Thank you all for being here. I don't talk much about this to my circle of friends because I feel like a beta male. But I'll get over that now as I start putting something else together.
I'm a bit shocked for now, things will have to sink in here for a bit...
24 comments posted: Sunday, May 23rd, 2021
