Boyfriend of 6 years cheated me while on drugs

I am in a loving relationship for 6 years. We started dating when we were living in near by cities. Then spent some years in a distance relationship. Only the last 10 months we moved in together in the same house.

We were at the peak of our love and I 100% trusted him in everything. We were thinking to make the next step soon. I felt loved and understood. Our relationship was an item of admiration by anyone I know.

I know that he never cheated on me before. I am sure about that.. but that changed recently.

Ever since I know him he is a social drinker. He mostly drinks beers and very rare stronger alcohol. He is never drinking at home and we never had what people would say "drinking problem". He was normal with respect to young people in my area. I felt that sometimes he was drinking too often with the boys but I never had any doubt.

In addition to the above he only did cocaine when he was offered by his friends. that happened maybe twice a year (like in New Years or another special day). He never tried to find it himself it..he more like followed the trend of the group he was in.

I didn't worry particularly about it because it was rare and it was always in a controlled environment like a house with most of his mates sober.

Particularly in the event.

I was out of the city visiting my family. He stayed back as the city we live had a big festival and one of his childhood friends was coming to visit.

I was out for 2 weeks and the incident happened in the weekend between the 2 weeks.

On Saturday of that weekend they went out drunk a excessively and they had a strong hangover the next day.

We talked on Sunday morning and he laughed about their night and I advised him to take care of his guest as it seemed they did a lot of drinking. I was calm as the Saturday was the peak day of the festival and thought they will calm down on Sunday.

Sunday passes with no further messages or calls. The full week passes with a few messages and calls where he seemed relatively quieter than normal but I didnt notice it because I was busy making the most out of my visit to my family.

I came back on the Sunday of the second day.And as I come in I see him crying, his voice would not come out so I started asking questions:

"what happened?"

"did someone die"?

"did we get robbed?"

he managed to say "we need to talk" and then I knew... he cheated on me.

As soon as I ask him he started crying excessively, not being able to breathe and he was shaking etc

After we calmed down he told me the following:

On Sunday, they went in a club with his 2 friends. They were drinking alcohol and they took 1 ecstacy pill each.

After a while someone offered them cocaine and they took it. That stranger was in a group with 3 girls.

The stranger invited them to his house for an after party as one of his friends liked one girl from the group.

The next image he has in his mind is that he entered a room with a girl and that he is sure he cheated on me.

After that he doesnt remember anything. He doesnt know who they were, where the house was, what happened in that room, how they got back home...nothing..

I had to talk with his friends to extract more details as all 3 of them had a blackout.

Only 1 guy seemed to remember a bit more. I was desperate to find the house, find the owner, find the girls and find out what happened in that room. Could it be he never cheated on me?

After talking with the one that remember the most I found out that the group of girls was not local, was visiting for the festival. the house looked like an expensive rental ( super neat and clean like no actual people live there).

they had no number , no social from any of them, no name, no address, no bank transaction in the area near by, no uber trip nothing...

The other guy managed thought to tell me that at some point while looking for this friends he opened a door and found my boyfriend receiving a BJ from one of the girls. I asked what did he do? did he tell him something? did it stop there? no answer- blackout.

All 3 of them have no recollection at all of what happened.

Deep down I want to know exactly what happened in that room. Could it be that he could not perform and they stopped?

Did they use protection? Oral sex is a passive act that could have happened while he was unconscious..but did he have proper sex?

Now I am left to deal with it, without all the info I need and decide what I will do. Do I break up? Do I forgive him ?

He loves me a lot and I know that. I could tell that he suffered the week that he wanted to tell me but he didnt want to ruin my time with my family.

He told me he will accept any decision and that he would cut off drugs for ever from his life.

He would do his best to build again my trust and tbh I have no doubt that this would never happened if he was sober or at least with 1 of the substances.

I read a lot about the combination of alcohol and cocaine and it surely sounds like they had this due to that.

We never had problems and I feel like the night went so wrong after a serious of bad choices they made during the evening. It is not uncommon for him to drink that amount of alchohol. but alcohol alone was not enough. it was the cocaine. Why did do the cocaine? I think its the FOMO ( fear of missing out) but he was the only guy in a relationship from the group. Why I didnt pop in his mind at that time?

I asked him to tell me if he remembers anything else but it has been a week and nothing.

What do I do? I have never been cheated on and if you would ask me I would never believe that he would be the one doing this to me.

We see each other sometimes at home( I try to be out and he works shifts). I love him with all my heart and I want to hug him but on the other hand I am afraid and ashamed. Could it be he does it again?

Should I accept at all this behavior? how would our relationship be after this? wouldnt I suffer all the time?

thanks for any advice

7 comments posted: Tuesday, August 23rd, 2022