I'm so lost

I M(27) have been with my fiance F(25) for nearly 11 years. We got together in high school, and have lived together for about 8 of those years. A while back (3-4 years) I caught her texting/flirting and spending time with a coworker, but nothing got physical. Fast forward to about a month ago, and I catch her messaging someone that we met online playing video games.

She said she was sorry, said she would stop messaging him and I decided to leave it at that and move on. Over last weekend, she said she wanted to spend time with her friend that lives about an hour from us. She left Saturday night around 5pm and got home 1-2am Monday morning. Well I had sketchy feelings about the weekend from the start but we had been together so long and I trusted her completely, so at the end I had no reason to not let her go. On Monday morning when I left she asked me to grab her purse for her out of the car before I went to work. Well sticking out of her purse was an airline ticket to Wisconsin with a males name that I kinda recognized. It took me about 30-60 seconds to put it all together and I found out that he had bought her a ticket to fly up there and come see him. They speant Saturday night and Sunday together before she got back on a plane and flew home Sunday night. Her timeline of the trip is as follows...

She was picked up at the airport and brought to a hotel that he purchased her a room in. They spent some time together in the room watching TV and talking before he left her for the night. He picked her back up the next morning and proceeded to show her around town, eating lunch, then eventually bringing her back to the airport. She claims they hugged and she was weirded out and uncomfortable about the whole situation.

Long story short, I asked her to cut all communication with him if we are going to try to work this out, she said she would. However, she continues to text him and talk with him. I even found out this morning that she texted him and picture of her with her ring off...I think that really was the last straw for me, it's all the hurt I can take, and her actions are telling me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I told her that if we were to continue to be together she would have to promise me that she would never do something like this again, to which she replied she honestly can't.

I'm not delusional, I know there is an extremely high possibility that I don't have all the facts and that more happened between the two of them. I try not to think about the things that I don't know and focus on the facts, but it's easier said than done. She confessed that they sent photos back and forth to each other but claims they were innocent, this morning found nude photos of her that we sent to him a few days before she left to see him...

I don't know where to go from here, I've read a few pieces on this forum and hearing others discuss similar situations has helped, but I am just so lost and clueless about what I should do. I still love her and want to be with her more than anything, but I don't know if I actually can and put myself at risk again. I don't show my emotions often or well, but this has broken me down to nothing and I see no end in sight for the pain that I am in.

I don't know what I am asking for or what I'm in search of, but it at least helped to write everything out and potentially get some insight from people who have been through this or similar situations.

Thank you for taking the time to read, I'm sorry it was so long.

43 comments posted: Monday, September 5th, 2022