Sadness that wont shift

I have thrown in the towel and bracing for divorce.

My husband was not faithful before or during our marriage. He had underlying mental health from trauma that came to the surface but following that in a period where I asked for time to heal he slept with someone else and when confronted lied again and again. It is clear he has learned nothing and I am ready to move on but I cannot shift an overwhelming feeling of sadness when I see him.

We still live together at the moment and I don't have any RL support that has been through this. How do I navigate this sadness and how long will I be tormented by it? We fell out of love so I wasn't expecting sadness to take over

11 comments posted: Thursday, January 25th, 2024

Bowing out

He did it again. He was pushing for reconciliation. We got intimate too quick and I put the breaks on saying I needed time and within 2 months he slept with someone else. He didn't tell me as he didn't want to "ruin how good we got after".

I just wanted to say thank you for all the support I received on this board when I came in crisis. I hope your reconciliations go better than mine did. Divorce here I come!

6 comments posted: Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Feel like I am going crazy

DDay was 1 year 7 months ago. I have had trauma therapy twice and dealt with my demons but every 5 or so weeks after we have had a good time I flare up and just lose control of what I am saying and how I am feeling. I am can't articulate how I am feeling very well in these moments. My partner ends up feeling emotionally abused and I just feel out of control. How do I stop this from happening? It isn't healthy at all and I know that

8 comments posted: Thursday, October 26th, 2023

When did you start MC and did it help?

Husbands affair ended last year. It was complicated by mental health.

Medical therapy has ended and he is well. He started IC and we are not together but living together and unsure of our future.

I have asked for MC as I feel if we carry on the way we are there will be nothing left to repair. We don't argue etc we just live like friends. I don't know whether I can reconcile and I don't know whether requesting mc is the right thing to do right now. I've had individual counselling and feel more confident and at peace with the idea of divorce until it comes to leaving and that's when I get upset and sadness creeps in. I think I'm just looking for something to set in stone for me whether I should stay or leave. Sorry this is a bit of a ramble

9 comments posted: Monday, September 4th, 2023

How do you even start reconcilliation?

How do you know your partner is remorseful when you no longer trust them?

How do you even begin to start coming back together as a couple?

How do you know if its the end of the road?

How long do you expect to see improvement in the relationship?

I'm still so lost

11 comments posted: Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

Is it normal to feel nothing?

I am BS. My WH starred his affair a year ago. We grew distant before as he was suffering from ptsd but was hiding it behind other life events not realising until it full consumed him.

I called out the affair 2 months after it started. He didn't end it but didn't commit to it either as the mental health swung in full force and it transpires she became a crutch as such and was a trauma bond only to be released when the trauma was healed.

Well the trauma is healed and she is long gone. Now I'm left with my husband back but I feel nothing. I am on the fence with reconcilliation as I had no choice but to grieve him and our relationship and fall out of love with him. Now he goes to kiss me and I feel nothing. I felt nothing when I heared the AP moved country either. I just have absolutely no feeling towards him it seems other then anger he has come out if this with personal growth and I feel I'm just in limbo.

Is it normal to feel nothing or did you still feel love when reconciling? Is it normal to start from effectively nothing?

11 comments posted: Sunday, January 15th, 2023

Are we over or can we overcome this?

My husband was the wayward spouse I am the betrayed. My husband wants to reconcile whilst I am unsure. He asked if I wanted a kiss just now (we haven't kissed in 6 months) and I had this overwhelming feeling of not wanting to. I said no but now I'm wondering if this is normal or if this is a sign we are completely dead in the water. I did have the urge to sleep with him the other day but didn't act on it and the only intimacy we have is the odd cuddle as I don't know whether I want to reconcile or not. Part of me thinks we can't reconcile if there is no intimacy but after my internal reaction to being asked for a kiss I'm not sure we ever can be

16 comments posted: Wednesday, October 26th, 2022