I am at a loss

We've had marital issues for a while. About 7 years ago, she had a physical affair after her friend's tragic death, during which she was comforted by someone else while grieving. We tried to rebuild our relationship which honestly was not all that successful as it ended with me just being more complaisant than anything. Additionally to complicate things during this time, she experienced significant memory gaps that recently she is remembering.

Around a year and a half ago, she expressed sadness about not satisfying me sexually while feeling emotionally unfulfilled herself. She suggested seeking other partners to address these needs. Initially, I was angry and refused. However, later, feeling frustrated with our stagnant relationship, I made a regrettable decision and had a physical affair over 3 months. This was a foolish mistake, but I felt our relationship was over. When my wife found out, everything changed for the better. We started communicating, discussing our love languages, and dating like we used to. However during this time, I discovered inappropriate Facebook messages on her phone, revealing hundreds of messages, some of a sexual nature, exchanged between her and someone else.

I believed we were working on fixing our marriage due to my own poor choice. However behind my back she was having an emotional affair that had been going on for the past 2 years. After I confronted her about this emotional affair (and yes I know it could have been physical which would have the same outcome for me) she initially tried to tell me it was just a flirting friendship and that there was nothing there. I told her that is literally not true as she had been sending inappropriate pictures as well as messages. I used me as an example explaining how she would be devastated if I were doing the same thing. Eventually she agreed and decided to remove this guy from Facebook and blocked his phone number after letting him know that she won’t talk to him anymore.

It seems that the relationship has been going through a rough patch but showing signs of improvement. However, about a week ago, I noticed that she is still friends with a guy on TikTok. I decided to read through her messages and found some messages between them from him, four days after she told him not to contact her. She ended up responding, apologizing for not being able to talk to him anymore. While it's tough to see, I understand the need for closure. Recently, while we were sitting in the car, she started acting strangely by hiding her phone. A few days later, I asked her to look at her phone, and the conversation with this guy was still there, but she had deleted the messages that she responded to him with closure. When I confronted her about it, she denied it, but I insisted that I remembered the messages. Eventually, she admitted to deleting them a long time ago so that I wouldn't get upset if I saw them. She then expressed frustration, saying she doesn't want to deal with my lack of trust for the next 10 years and can't believe I'm bringing this up because of a facial expression. She is really frustrated and says that she thought we were over this.

13 comments posted: Wednesday, November 29th, 2023

I am at a loss (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Tuesday, November 28th, 2023