Stuck!
I found out about my H’s affair last June, someone sent me messages. He had been living and working in Thailand for 18 months up to that point. We had a good marriage despite living two different sides of the world. We would see each other as a family every 6 weeks and it was great, not always easy; I was lonely, sometimes it was hard. He was 8 weeks into his new job when he met her, a Thai woman, in a bar. She was already with a wealthy, older westerner-it would seem that my H, a 42 yr, old had better appeal than a man in his late 60’s.
He came home in June and we discussed moving forward, he wanted to work on our marriage-he had no intention of staying with her beyond his contract ending. He flew back having ended it and we spent the next 6 months working through things. It was going very well. It was damn hard, I found out all there was to know (oh my ears), and he was extremely remorseful (this is a very watered down version of what had been a heck of a journey).
In December last year, I found out that he had seen her a handful of times. I always knew he wasn’t ready to end it-after all, it had been found out-and gave him every opportunity to tell me that.
I’m angry. I’m angry that he did that and said he was working on our marriage. I’m angry that he said he chose me-he didn’t.
It’s over this time because he was ready. We also found out that it was her that messaged me back in June. She had also taken messages off of his phone between us, she has photos of me, there’s so much more to it.
When I found out in December (she contacted me when he ended it and was vile beyond belief) she contacted him on last time to tell him I had contacted her other person (not true, I don’t even know who he is), and that she had lost the one thing she wanted to keep.
My H is suffering. He is finally trying to take action where he hadn’t before (address drink issues, loneliness, avoidance etc). He’s having therapy. This has also effected his job-he has effectively lost it and now needs to find one in the UK because until I feel that we can safely move forward, I will not go anywhere else.
I feel I am back to June again but this time a lot stronger. I keep asking myself if it is worth it? I have built a renewed sense of worth since June and I feel I am compromising that.
I am stuck
19 comments posted: Wednesday, February 14th, 2024
