Deflated. If it was just "texts" why do I feel this way?
When my (49M) wife's (49F) phone buzzed next to me, I looked down to see a text preview that said something to the effect of "I love how you smell when you are around me." I then opened up her phone to see a text stream of lots of sexting type stuff with scantly clad pics that she sent to a co-worker (in nothing but a towel,covering breasts with hands,nothing on showing top of butt, etc.) with message like "thinking of you" and "I can't wait to be around you again". That was all with days of that moment. I seized up in shock and wasn't able to get further back into the text stream before she came back into the room. I didn't know what to do, I screamed at her and stormed out of the room. A little later she told me that it had "only" been happening for a few weeks and didn't get beyond texts. She's worked with this man for 4 years. I've been uneasy around him for at least the last two years. It's the way she started talking about him and referring to him, and the way they looked at and around each other. I'd ask about it and she would tell me nothing was to be worried about. I've been married to her for almost 25 years and together two years before that. I couldn't shake it. Heck, he gave my wife his kid's old bicycle to give to our youngest daughter for Christmas. I hated that. I found the text on Jan 7 of this year. She told me it was instantly over. I found this site in my grief and asked her to write a no contact order and separate herself completely from this guy at work with her or him eventually transferring office locations or getting a different job within a reasonable but near time. I also asked her to go to therapy and for us to go to therapy. Well, it's just about two months later nothing has happened. No letter, no separation at work (they are in each other's space constantly every day), no therapy. She says it never became a PA and that they don't text at all anymore. But he never told his wife about this and my wife says she just wants to forget what happened and that she's extremely sorry. They get to live their lives like nothing happened (if what I'm told is actually true) and I'm left feeling wrecked. I have nightmares. I wonder what they are doing during the day. I wonder what would be happening had I not stumbled on the text. I wonder if they would be having a PA right now b/c the texts were certainly heading in that direction. I feel like an idiot and I feel hurt. And I have no one to turn to. For the sake of my three kids (17M, 17F, 11F) I've been acting like all is normal. I go some days feeling pretty noal then I will feel immense anger, then I'll feel sad. Even if they did stuck to texting,it was cheating and maybe worse because it wasn't a drunken mistake - it was stone sober intentional. She didn't care that she was risking our life together and our family's stability. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I want to end our marriage, but I can't stop wondering, worrying, and being saddened. I just want her to cut that guy out of her (our) life and for her to seek help on why this happened. She's worried about the financial ramifications for leaving her job, and I can't make her go to therapy.
34 comments posted: Sunday, March 3rd, 2024
