One Night Stand

A few weeks ago, I was out of town and had a one night stand. I have been married for a long time (over 25 years). I have been faitthful for the entirety of the marriage, engagement, etc. I have never wavered. Over the last several years, I have had desires to be with other women. I have flirted, been active on a cheating site, been in contact with other women, but never taken the step to physical contact. Roughly 6 months ago, I kissed a girl with intent to take it further. Instead, I did not, I got therapy, committed to my marriage, and was feeling really good about our future. Over the last two months, I have slid back into the habit of trying to pursue other women. I never thought I would go through with it.

As stated above, two weeks ago, I was out of town visiting a friend. I went to a strip club by myself. I left with a dancer and committed adultery. No money exchanged or anything like that. It was like a scene from a porn movie. She was 29, gorgeous, etc. After it was done, I felt the regret immediately. Since then, I have gotten back to my therapist. I am not asking for any pity, but it's been hell. Yes I realize that I am not the victim here. I made a huge mistake in so many ways. But sadly, at the end of the day, I cannot say that I trust myself. I know that I liked the physical act, and I feel like I want to do it again. I keep going back and forth, should I tell my wife? She will never trust me again, furthermore, do I want to pursue this lust? Am I willing to blow up my marriage over the need to sleep around?

I know it's not fair to my wife right now. I know that I am not the victim. I know what I did was wrong. I take full responsibility for these acts. But frankly, I am walking around twisted 24x7, trying to act normal. I know what I did was completely selfish. I am just looking for perspective. I am back in therapy, but the reality is that at some point soon, I need to make up my mind if I want to stay with my wife. I need to decide if I want to tell her, which I believe will be the end of our marriage because the trust is broken.

Looking for any feedback.

Thank you.

22 comments posted: Thursday, March 7th, 2024