Still fresh from the moment
Unfortunately, I find myself coming here because I just discovered that my wife of almost 10 years was having an online affair. This included sending sexually explicit pictures back-and-forth and secret phone calls of having sex together. Fortunately, (if that is even the right way to put it), it appears as though, they never actually physically hooked up. He lives several hundred miles away. However, she lied when I had found some pictures of her that she had taken and said she was working on her body image and when I saw other snippets of things that she recorded and confronted her, she flat out lied to me. I accidentally found the exchanges by taking her phone out of her hand while she slept to put it on her nightstand and I just happen to look at it. What hurts even more is that since January of this year we both agreed we needed to work on our marriage. I had really been putting forth a lot of efforts and doing things, including individual and couple counseling. She was doing the same in terms of at least participating in it but at the same time this affair was picking up steam. She says she wanted to end the affair, but did not know how. But the reality is if I did not catch it, it would probably still be going on. I don’t know what to do because we have two small children. If even her employer knew what she was doing it would likely mean the loss of her job, plus the embarrassment to others in her family and greater friendship circles. I have not said anything to anyone except for a best friend and I have told her that I have confided in him and she understands that. However, I am still struggling with trying to rebuild trust which, of course I realize is absolutely the number one thing, that a couple needs after infidelity has occurred. I know it is all still fresh yet. I just do not know whether to trust her actions and words. She seems legitimately appalled at her own behaviors and has apologized, nonstop. She is saying all the right things, but I find myself just not sure because I wonder if she truly loves me, (she says she does), or is she just afraid of losing everything else that a divorce would mean? She does say the thought of losing me is not what she would ever want, and that actually being caught is sort of a relief and made her realize what her most important priorities are in her life. I am profoundly in love with her and cannot imagine a life without her. I have never experienced something like this before in my life and I want to stay together but yet this continues to be emotionally draining and it just doesn’t stop.
16 comments posted: Sunday, April 21st, 2024
