Been here before but still devastated...

First of all thank you for welcoming me into the group.

Its 2 weeks now since I caught her out for the third time, its even more devastating than the first two times. At least the first twice she genuinely seemed to get how much it had hurt me and made sure I knew she was sorry. Lots of cuddles and reassurance that it was a mistake and she loved me and wanted to be with me. This time is very different, two weeks since I found out and the only cuddles are when I have initiated them, no words of comfort or assurance. She has enabled Face ID on her Whatsapp messenger, her reason is she feels like I am checking up on her and I don't need to be looking into her phone. We have 2 young children and own our house together, she says she wants to do marriage counselling to try and make it work as she wants us to stay together but it feels like her body language is telling me otherwise. She says it is because she feels she doesn't deserve for me to want to be close to her as she has hurt me again and is ashamed, does that mean she wasn't the last twice? I really love her and have again stayed as I don't want to break up our family but my heart hurts and I guess I just need some help understanding it all from others who can feel where I am coming from. I have to say that I am not perfect in all this as I have struggled with mental health for a number of years so at times I haven't been there for her as much as I should have been. At times I have been pretty poor company but have never been bad to her, quite the opposite as I generally take myself away so as to not put stress on her or the kids as I don't want them to be burdened with my struggles when I have felt low. Sorry for the long post and I appreciate anyone who has the time to have a read and give me and advice good or bad.

Many thanks
K

22 comments posted: Wednesday, April 24th, 2024