Any BS out there that were trying to reconcile when the WS was not?

Hey all,

This is my first post on this site. Some backstory.
Last year, I caught my wife D sexting a coworker "T", and I confronted her and she broke down crying and apologized. She said she felt lonely in the marriage, but that is mostly due to her isolating herself from me and the kids, hiding in our room, etc. Despite my best efforts to be the primary parent and keep her out of her depression.

Earlier this year, she admitted to being attracted to another coworker "C", and that he said the same. I told her she should be careful flirting with a coworker because it will get out of hand fast. A few months later she had a workplace investigation for a workplace affair, and she said there was nothing to find and they came back clean. She asked for an open marriage (yeah, I know...), and I stupidly believed her when she told me I was her forever partner, the love of her life. We had a great sex life, did lots of fun stuff with the kids, etc so I believed her. She went on 4 dates before I felt like she was getting too close to C. She had implemented a veto rule, in case things got out of hand. I asked to close, and she said she had to think about it. She spent the summer "thinking about it", while I tried to reconcile, only to find out they were not only sleeping together all summer, but that they had slept together prior to the investigation.

I gave her a chance to come clean and tell me the truth and she is still lying and hiding information. Divorce paperwork has been filed, we started talking about custody, selling the house, etc.

My question is, do you think there will come a point where she breaks out of whatever fog or delusion she has built around herself? For those who struggled to break out, or for those who didn't wake up on DDay, what did it take? I'm not going back to her unless she can do the work and be a safe partner, but if she ever got to that place I would be willing to try for the sake of our little boys. I am planning on moving on with my life in the meantime, but there is a small bit of hope there that she will realize the disaster she has caused, but I fear that if shared custody/divorce/selling the house doesn't wake her up then nothing will.

11 comments posted: Thursday, September 19th, 2024