SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

BrokenheartedWif,

I find that Satan attacks me when I'm doing what God wants me to do. Anymore, if Satan's not attacking me in some way, or through someone choosing to act poorly and do his dirty work; I figure I'm not being effective and doing God's will.

I really can relate to this, especially during the last 2+ years. I also wanted to thank you for your pray for our dog. The lord gave us extra time to except her needing to go home to him. I miss our gentle giant every day. The lord blessed us with her guardianship

Are there any other wayward Christians here??

Not a wayward Christian but a very sad and discouraged one who agrees 100% with this:

I find that Satan attacks me when I'm doing what God wants me to do. Anymore, if Satan's not attacking me in some way, or through someone choosing to act poorly and do his dirty work; I figure I'm not being effective and doing God's will.

I was told to give up the Bible study that I've been leading for almost 16 years and, for a while, I took a break from it. Now, the Bible study is resuming - full-force - and I feel like my life is falling apart. Like "I" am falling apart - again.

Nowhere in God's Word does it tell us that, as His children, life will be easy. I guess it is "who we turn to" when darts are thrown our way that determines the outcome of the attacks. If we turn to Him, He will comfort us (He really will). I find that our God - when He took flesh and sacrificed Himself for us - experienced every kind of pain imaginable. He was tortured physically and experienced one of the worst deaths I can imagine. But I believe His deepest pain came from the betrayal of those He loved - the people whom He taught and fed and healed and delivered from oppression calling for His death, and His best friends, first selling Him out and then out and out denying Him. I find that, in spite of all my God has done for me, I turn to Him as a last resort, and that's a shame. Because, in the long run, Who is it that we will spend eternity with? Our FWS's or Him?

I pray for you all and wish for happier days ahead for you!

needfriendshere

I was told to give up the Bible study that I've been leading for almost 16 years and, for a while, I took a break from it. Now, the Bible study is resuming - full-force - and I feel like my life is falling apart. Like "I" am falling apart - again

Who told you to give up the Bible study you were leading?

(Praying for you)) This is such a hard journey.

I find that, in spite of all my God has done for me, I turn to Him as a last resort, and that's a shame

.

God wants us turning to Him first, not as a last resort. Have you tried telling God, how you are feeling currently and your struggles with turning to Him first? Even though God knows all, He longs for us to come to Him and share how we are doing and to have an intimate relationship with Him.

Brokenheartedwif,

You are right of course. And I am learning, or should I say "relearning" that valuable fact about our relationship with Him.

As for who told me to give up teaching my Bible study, OW posted what H did on our church website, including how much it had affected me. At that point, I was told to step down for a while to "work on me and my marriage". Good news is that we are finally meeting again next week! I am nervous, of course. And I know there will be awkwardness but I am going to "let God" and "let go" of me that night. I can really use prayer over this, especially since I rarely even go to that church anymore since we moved a few months ago! We attend a new and wonderful church out here now that I am finally becoming active in - being fed this time as opposed to doing the feeding. And I wonder deep inside - should I still be leading a Bible study in a church I basically no longer attend? The Pastor doesn't seem to mind but the women might.

((Needfriendshere))

And I wonder deep inside - should I still be leading a Bible study in a church I basically no longer attend? The Pastor doesn't seem to mind but the women might.

Pray and seek God's will and guidance as to whether or not He wants you leading a bible study at this time. God had me step up to start leading Bible Study's especially that had to do with allowing God to heal us after I discovered the adultery, than following TT the very long term nature of it along with the masturbation & porn, and then the SA. I seek God's guidance as to what study He wants us to do next beginning a few months before the current one ends. I also have other women in the group praying as well. At my church no one minds if someone, who doesn't attend the church attends the bible studies, groups, etc. It's about digging into God's word, and fellowshipping with fellow Christians.

Thank you, Brokenheartedwif! I think that's how the Pastor sees it. It doesn't bother him that I attend a different church now, especially since I provide an opportunity for fellowship, prayer, and digging into God's Word. And yes! I also teach what currently resonates with me. Sadly, many of the women in my group are suffering now, mainly due to illness or loved ones being very ill, which really takes its toll. So I will be teaching about finding strength from having a real relationship with God when we are struggling. And about how our true citizenship is not here anyway. We are His children and our eternity will be spent with Him. We need to look heavenward, especially as we go through trials. Easier said than done, I know!!

(((Brokenheartedwif))))

This was one of my devotions today...

The gospel this past Sunday was about the woman who committed adultery...

I personally like the last paragraph

Peace

The God of Mercy

God is much more interested in your future than in your past. Why worry excessively about what came before? Why obsess over your past sins? We have a God who “makes all things new,” and in that we find hope.

It is a sad commentary indeed, but very often it's religious people who most want to trap others in their past, nail them to the cross of the mistakes they have made, and use religion itself as the means to affect this punishment. This is as true today as it was in the time of Christ when the mob brought the woman caught in adultery before him.

In one of the great one-liners of the entire Bible, which we heard yesterday at Mass, Jesus disarms them: “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Our solidarity in sin ought to awaken in us a greater compassion for one another. At this prompting, they drifted away, one by one, until Jesus was left alone with the woman.

Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore” (John 8:11). How rich is that little word “go.” Again, what is being emphasized is the future not the past, on what lies ahead instead of obsessing with what lies behind.

Do you feel terribly imprisoned by your past? Perhaps you’ve done something terrible, something awful and shameful and every time you think of it, you cringe. Or maybe someone has harmed you so severely that you just can’t let go of the hurt and you continue to seethe with resentment. Perhaps you feel that you’ve done something so wrong that not even God can forgive you. You don’t even bother going to confession because you’re just too ashamed or so convinced that God wouldn’t forgive you.

What I want you to know right here and right now is that there is a way out, a way forward, a path opening up in the desert.

You might be miseria (in misery) but standing right in front of you is Misericordia (mercy). So, go.

hopefull77 ...I was stunned when I saw the Gospel reading yesterday...because it was exactly what I needed to read . This is the year of Mercy...and I find a lot of comfort in that word. What happened with that woman was in the past...and Jesus gave her another chance to "sin no more". This is a very powerful statement to me regarding how I move forward with my FWH.

Of course...I also put myself in with the townspeople who had condemned the woman. Could I truly throw a stone at the OW in MY case?? I believe her sins are far greater than mine...but that isn't what Jesus said. He said that those WITHOUT sin could cast the first stone...and I know...as a human...I have sinned.

Thank you for posting this hopefull77.

LTA is such a slog through so very much.

Interesting that the first Lent after dday the gospel about the Prodigal son was in the "circuit" of readings...that is when I found the book by Henri Nowen THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON....thus began my true spiritual journey ...now 3 years later this gospel is being said....

no coincidence at all...I LOVE how God works....

Peace everyone

I love the hope in these messages. And God? He has been good. I am attending a church that is alive. It seems that each Sunday, the messages touch my heart. They are always just what I need to hear. And I am joining a home group - FWH and I are. I will also begin teaching the Bible study I have led for many years again this month.

During this time of hope and spiritual renewal, I realize that I have forgiven H. I really have. I am just not sure forgiveness is enough. I need to feel safe in this marriage again. I need to believe H has changed enough not to revert to "old habits". And I need his help to heal and I need him to help heal our sons. Maybe then...

I can really use prayer and don't know where else to turn. This thread has been quiet lately, so I'm not sure anyone is even going to see this, but here goes:

H took a polygraph last month and lied about OW ever being with him in our home. It turns out that she not only has been in every room of it (except the guest room where I stored all my junk) but she was given the code for opening our garage door, meaning she can get into the house whenever she wants.

I have not been back to that house since before the poly. But H and I have to go today - for 5 days. There are things that need to be done and people to see. And I am not handling it well at all. I did not get one minute of sleep last night knowing I am going there. And I feel sick to my stomach and can't stop shaking. Tears are just under the surface. I feel like I am having one long panic attack.

I'm not sure what I am so scared or upset about. I don't think she'll be there or anything. And of course I will change the garage door code. I just don't like that she was in my house.

I initially thought that H immediately ran off to see her whenever I had to take a son to college or baseball camp or to see my family. Now I realize that they must have traded off - sometimes he took the 5-hour drive or one-hour flight to see her, and sometimes she came down to see him.

We moved out of that house because we bought it during his A and it sickened me knowing just that. Plus, OW was making plans to move down to our area to get H back. But now....knowing what I know now, I don't know if I can do this. Please pray for me - that I can get past the bad feelings and accomplish what I need to and that H and I will be safe while we are there.

H and I are doing pretty well otherwise. But still...I feel like the bad stuff never ends.

I hope you are all doing well. I pray for you every day!

P.S. I told H last night that when we sell that house, he will have to do all of the packing and arranging for junk removers, etc. to come. He actually got angry at me - really angry. He told me he'd have to take a couple of weeks off work to do that. I told him I wouldn't mind if he used his vacation time to do it and we just stayed home, whenever that will be. He angrily said he would still need my help.

You want to know how much help I got the last 3 times we've moved? Zero. When we moved from a big house to an even bigger one during his A, I painted every room by myself, painted the outside trim, did ALL of the cleaning, did all of the packing and arranging for movers and junk removers myself. And I didn't realize it but I had cancer at the time. I was diagnosed 6 months after moving into "that house". If I can do it by myself - especially when I was sick - so can he! Am I being unreasonable? Please tell me.

((needfriendshere))

You as well as everyone on the Support Through Prayer thread and the LTA and the SA thread are in my prayers. Their lack of love and thought is so mind boggling. It is impossible to love others, when you despise yourself and will stoop into the gutter to try and feel better about yourself no matter how ludicrous and untrue the ego kibble BS is that you are lapping up.

I completely understand. My SAWS main acting out location was our house, and for the last 3+ years of it my bed, because his adultery co-conspirator SA wanted to be f**ked in my bed. She wanted my life, house, kids, spouse, etc. Worst part is, she was a supposed friend of mine, and had been to our house at my invitation many times and had a key to the house as well as the garage code.

They are so exceedingly selfish and childish in their actions.

P.S. I told H last night that when we sell that house, he will have to do all of the packing and arranging for junk removers, etc. to come. He actually got angry at me - really angry. He told me he'd have to take a couple of weeks off work to do that. I told him I wouldn't mind if he used his vacation time to do it and we just stayed home, whenever that will be. He angrily said he would still need my help.

You want to know how much help I got the last 3 times we've moved? Zero. When we moved from a big house to an even bigger one during his A, I painted every room by myself, painted the outside trim, did ALL of the cleaning, did all of the packing and arranging for movers and junk removers myself. And I didn't realize it but I had cancer at the time. I was diagnosed 6 months after moving into "that house". If I can do it by myself - especially when I was sick - so can he! Am I being unreasonable? Please tell me.

You are in no way being unreasonable. Have you discussed with him how you feel about him using your house for his adultery and that you had to do the majority of the packing previously?

I suspect he doesn't want to deal with his very selfish poor choices and the selling of this house is a direct result of his choices.

BrokenheartedWif,

You asked:

You are in no way being unreasonable. Have you discussed with him how you feel about him using your house for his adultery and that you had to do the majority of the packing previously?

Yes, I did and that's when he really got angry. His mood was, "Really? You're going to use THAT as an excuse?" He is sick to death of hearing about the fallout from his LTA. But you know what? When you are heartless enough to boot your wife out of the house to tend to a depressed son so that you can invite your whore into your home, there just may be consequences! Or if you don't accompany her and your other son to his college orientation for the same reason...or go to one of her family member's memorial services to do the same thing, there just may be some scars.

Thank you so much, by the way, for reaching out and for your prayers.I know you know how I feel and my heart goes out to you.

(((BrokenheartedWif)))

I pray for you ALL every day...just don't ever forget God knows

Yes, God does know - our hearts' desires, our struggles, and our deepest fears. And I take comfort in that. Sometimes all I have to do is look heavenward and I know He gets it - he knows everything I am feeling inside. And He covers me like a warm blanket. Too bad I usually wait until I am freezing and in a state of limbo before I think of looking up!

Thank you all for your prayers. I am in "the house" now and have to laugh at the nightmare that awaited us. It had been weeks since we had been here - maybe 8? And our refrigerator must have gone on the blink the moment we left last time. Everything in it was ruined. Pop n Fresh dough had exploded, produce had turned to liquid, and mold was everywhere. It took us 2 hours to clean it out. I think God is making it clear: Sell the darn house already!!!

I am seeking prayer and praying for peace in all of our hearts.

Needsfriendshere, my heart goes out to for having to be in this situation where you can't escape from this house just yet. So many things about this situation are so very hard.

I need prayers that my WS can see God this weekend. He is not a Christian, but is seeking something and has seemed to hit a point where he knows he needs to face this. It came when I said I was done. My father set him up with Marked Men of Christ for their phase 1 weekend. I'm scared and it's so hard to be cut off, but I am praying that this will be what he needs to see the truth.

I hope this was the right thing to encourage and that he can find what he needs to walk a better path.

Just prayed for your husband, Faithfulfeathers. And for you. I know you said it is done between you, yet you made sure he was taken care of - especially spiritually. I commend you. It speaks volumes about your character.

Thank you Needsfriendshere, I truly want him to find the freedom that Jesus gave us.

This journey has been something that rocked my faith more than ever before. I think because of the fear. It's like the boogie man is going to jump out at me at any second. Recognizing that all the fear is Satan's work to destroy my faith is a brand new revelation just in these last couple weeks since he told me he had been in love with her. I knew this before, but in this devastation lost sight.

So, now I'm trying very hard to give it to God over and over. That's the only way and it breaks my heart that my WS lives in fear and continues to spread it when being able to give it up and let God carry us through this will bring true healing.

Instead of waking with nightmares last night, I woke repeatedly to pray for all of us. The kids were thrilled to sleep with me and we read Samson's story before bed. It was a peaceful night that I desperately needed.