ibonnie
Is there any chance she could have had your baby and is planning to spring that on you? I can't imagine what else could possibly not be covered in a video chat. If we can visit family and go to school and do virtual doctor's visits right now, a video chat with an X you'd rather not see should suffice.
Realistically? No. I'm not very sure when I was last intimate with XWW, either '06 or '07. But my hometown was small, and I saw her at least once a month (usually in passing, her emotional support always involved calling me, or emailing me). So if she was pregnant, I should have seen it by the time I left in '08.
Could she be springing a kid on me that isn't actually mine and claim it's mine. Yeah, yeah that was exactly the type of shit she would be capable of pulling.
Carissima
Were you just going to spring it on her when you went to get your marriage license or were you intending to lie on the paperwork for your marriage too?
Also a point that my fiance brought up when my XWW first contacted her. I don't know what I would have done. I would like to think that I would have told her everything.
StillLivin
But not telling your significant other about being married. That is a HUGE lie, if not outright, then most certainly by omission. If someone I was in love with enough to commit to spending the rest of my life with did this to me, I would break off everything. If a husband did this, I would divorce him outright. You have some serious issues if you think your excuse is valid. It's not.
Yes, I realize that. For the record, I am not trying to justify it. I realize now that that's how it came across.
Just explaining how my actions led to me being here, and my current relationship being strained (if not entirely on the rocks with no clue if it can be salvaged).
Catwoman
First off, not revealing some extremely relevant issues about your past is troubling. You didn't "forget" you had been married--you just chose not to reveal that detail. If I were your fiancee, I would be very concerned about this.
To say that I "forgot" is definitely incorrect. But I did not purposefully hide it from her, or omit. Though it is definitely what concerns my fiance. She feels that my version of coping is to not think about things. That I, to quote her words, "You put yourself in a box, and allow select things in. Anything that doesn't fit, you just pretend doesn't exist."
She's probably right, it has her rightly concerned. I know people with this mentality and it's mindboggling. I know that if I am doing it, it's unhealthy, and disruptive, and a dozen other varieties of bad.
Specifically, her concerns are that I put 3/4 of my life in a box. In an effort to try and erase it because of 3-6 tainted years.
Secondly, are you in your 40s or 50s? The reason I'm asking is if your fiancee is mid-thirties and you are mid-to-late 40s or 50s, that's a pretty significant age difference. Have you discussed this? It's not only significant now, but it will be quite significant later when you might be ready to retire and she's entering some of the more productive years of her career.
Mid forties, the age difference was heavily discussed when we started dating. I enjoy my line of work immensely, and when I do retire, I plan on taking up seasonal work until I either can not do it, die, or am asked not to. Quite honestly, retirement will most likely only occur via force (from one direction or another).
BraveSirRobin
Even if you assume that she can come up with a tactful way to express this, XWW is almost certainly going to lie. She's already playing your poor fiancee, who wants to connect with a person who can make sense of any part of your story. So there's no benefit to them being in the same room, but you go hard line and refuse to participate, it would be reasonable for her to wonder what you're still hiding.
A rock and a hard place. It's the only reason why I will be going through with whatever ends up happening. Yes, I will fight, and do my best to change the circumstances under which it happens; but, ultimately, I'll be going along with it.
Are there documents, court records, former friends, anyone/anything you can use to prove your story without the help of XWW? Things your fiancee can independently verify, rather than relying on someone who obviously has an agenda in tracking you down?
Yes. Been trying to get those records, but the people I have been talking to seem to be unable to grasp that I changed my name after I left. Friends? No. I don't remember any of their numbers after eleven years. The lawyer who handled my divorce has since passed, and his practice went up his son's nose, whose currently in jail.
Oddly, the XWW has been verifying the things I have been telling my fiance. Well, the true ones. Early on, my fiance was just as suspicious as I am after XWW confirmed a lot of the horrible things I had told her. But she still wanted to believe XWW's claims of wanting to apologize. So we fed her a false story about a good trip after DDay 1.
She told the truth, and even some bits of it that I hadn't known. Like on her hikes for space, she meeting up an AP in the woods for a quickie.
She bought herself some good will from fiance, and completely surprised me. I have no doubt that she's still the same asshat she always was, but I have no clue what she could possibly want.
ZenMumWalking
I think your fiancée is INSANE for thinking the solution to her problem is meeting your XWW instead of dumping you and running for the hills.
Her waking up one day and thinking this, is a distinct possibility. It's one that I dread, but if it's what my fiance needs and/or wants, than its what I'll adhere to.
Buster123
what's next an ex-boyfriend she will insist you meet ? wanting to become pals with your XWW ? This should be a clear cut case of you telling her NO, that you will NOT be forced to meet the one person who distroyed your life PERIOD, no questions asked, end of story.
We were friends for nearly five years before we started dating, so I know most of her recent exs. One is actually still a close friend of ours.
allusions
If it were me I'd be furious with her for putting you in that situation.
Don't get me wrong, I am angry. But as mad as I am at my fiance, I'm ten times as mad at my XWW. Let's say she's remorseful, for a second. Who looks at pictures at the person they hurt, in such manner that the person told them that never wanted to see them again. Who you haven't seen in over a decade, and thinks "Hey, I should go apologize!"
And I'm twice as mad at myself than I am at my XWW. If this portion of my life had been, a thought, or properly dealt with... This entire situation wouldn't exist. That's the worst part, in the end, it's entirely my doing.
My fiance and I have been quarantining since March, and we've had to rebuild our daily routine since March 23rd, when XWW made first contact, and my lies/self defence/Variance of truth, came back to bite us in the ass. We have since settled into a new routine, which has been upset again.
We usually eat breakfast, then spar with each other a bit (not a verbal spat, we both practice Arnis, as I stated before). Sparring is a bit like a dance, you have to read your partner and respond accordingly. Well, I was pissed about this whole situation. Mad my XWW, mad at my fiance, mostly mad at myself, and I fucked up today and misread my one of my fiance's strikes, earning me a bruised cheekbone. No real damage has been done, just some swelling and moderate amounts of pain, despite medication. So our daily sparring sessions are on hold for now. Just another piece of my current life that I lost due to my past actions, and a source of relaxation I that my fiance no longer to experience for the time being.