SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

New Beginnings....it sounds so positive. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel anxious constantly. I can not relax my muscles. I don't want him back, but I'm so very unsettled. I have never been a depressed person, but I am fully convinced that is exactly what I am now.

I now understand my own sister's struggles that pushed her to complete suicide. I will never do that; I couldn't do that to my kids or parents. But wow, who knew this place was so dark? I talk to friends, and it takes the edge off some times. I pray constantly, and get minimal relief. A lot of people tell me they're happy to see me doing so well. I'm just not.

I'm going to keep reading the stories that are positive here on this thread. Thank you for posting them to show me that it can be reality for me some day. I'm going to try to believe I'm going to come out of this soon. Yes, I am taking meds, and yes I am talking to a counselor. I truly am happy for all of you that made it through to the other side. Thanks for listening!

Have you considered antidepressants? A small dose of sertraline (generic zoloft) made a huge difference in my depression and ability to function in the months following d-day.

Some days are hard. The roller coaster does not end immediately- our bodies are not convinced they don’t still need to be in fight-or-flight mode, they are still on high alert.

Are you in IC? Helps me a TON.

Have you thought about anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds? I took anti-Anxiety for about a year— didn’t need them too long. They dampened the darkest moments and kept me more level until I was strong enough to get through on my own.

There is no shame in getting help— talk to your doctor, seek IC. (I do online, but you’ll find what works best for you).

EXERCISE to get those good chemicals in your body going— the long days we have now make it so nice to get a long walk in every day. Make sure you are sleeping. Journal, dance, bubble baths, play with your dog.. keep doing the things. Some find a gratitude journal very helpful, or finding one beautiful thing each day, like a sunset or a perfect rose in the garden.

Most of all, be kind and realize your body is coming off of a huge trauma. It takes time. Way more than you want, but you will feel better. Promise. And if you really feel bleak, GET HELP.

(((UneedToSmile)))

I second EXERCISE. It was by far the greatest thing that helped which was completely within my control. The physiological benefits are amazing. You grab some form of control back over your life. You lose weight and feel good about yourself. It gives you an excuse to buy new clothes and improve your image. It fills your day with a distraction. It's really the best distraction that there is. Since at this point you essentially have to wait out your brain's unwanted chemical reactions, distractions play a major role in getting you through Reconstruction (the more important R word IMO).

At some point, you're going to need to leave the nest. People you love will stop listening quite so much. I never did IC but I imagine even there you get to a point where you find some kind of stasis and only incremental improvements to your mental health. Eventually, your brain will stop pumping bad vibes into itself and you'll snap out of it. My best advice to anyone who's still in the dark times is to start implementing productive routines now. Everything you want to be. Everything you want to do. Set those goals and start structuring your days in a way that moves you closer and closer to them. Then the day you wake up and feel better about your life, you'll have already done all the heavy lifting. You'll wake up to a comfy set-and-forget mode where you're crushing it and finally feeling good about that.

Please go visit your doctor and explain what is happening. There is help.

In my case, my doctor explained to me how the constant stress of the affair and divorce was putting my body in danger. I began a course of antidepressants and wow it really helped.

My world went from black and white to be able to see in colors again.

I looked at it like needing a cast after breaking a bone. I needed short-term support for a long term solution.

I also went to see a counselor which helped me regain my balance.

I am going to second or third the antidepressant suggestion. She I was in my darkest, I would describe the sadness as a physical thing that I could reach out and touch. It had density and mass. I'm 2 1/2 years out, and I'm pretty sad most of the time, but I manage to get through the day. The night are a little tougher though, when i don't have my kids. It if I were to graph my progress, there is a trend upward.

There is no magic pill, other than ativan, but that's not sustainable. It takes time and a shit load of introspection. I'm pretty much resolved to never know joy again, but that's okay. I am aiming for peace and contentment. Please be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. It is a natural process, but it is not linear, I can tell you that.

Hey everyone. I'm doing all of those things. I am taking Lexapro....hasn't made a dent yet. I am talking to a counselor (we're working on empowerment). I do probably 3 walks and bike rides (each) a day.

I watched "Extraction" on Netflix today and something that one of the characters said REALLY resonated with me. He said, "You drown, not by falling in the river, but by staying submerged in it." Wow....yep. Now if only I could get these bricks out of my pockets and anchors off my ankles.

All I can say is take the meds during this time as suicidal thoughts can creep in. The meds should control them and your mood.

You have a lot of good to look forward to but at times of depression the good things seem far away and unattainable.

I went through a stage when I thought that I had to leave this lifetime to end my pain and suffering but I prayed and mediated and realised that I can heal my pain here and now and my suffering will ease and hopefully end 🙏🏼

hi UneedToSmile - just wanted to say you've been heard and it sounds like you're doing so much to take care of yourself and yet you are struggling with depression symptoms. Remember that you are still in the midst of this traumatic situation, bathed in grief, loss, uncertainty. DDay last summer ago, divorce not final. Add to it the pandemic and what a cluster f*ck you are in. It makes a lot of sense that you'd be feeling down. Even your user name has a sense of needing to be other than what you actually feel - "U Need to smile." Consider this - can you make space inside yourself for the depression? for the grief, loss, and give yourself some kindness for this wounded part of you who is working so so hard to feel better, yet feels so hurt and devastated. Making space for it, befriending this down part of you, making space for this part of you to speak/share the feelings, while still continuing all the healing actions you are taking can be life changing. Rather than trying to get rid of these feelings - which usually doesn't work anyway - can you listen to what this part of you has to say?

sending you hugs as you move through this time.

I like that suggestion Braveyogi. I'd never really thought about compartmentalizing the sadness. It feels like it has smothered every part of me. If I look at it that way, maybe I'll be more gentle with myself. I hate feeling this way especially because I can't be that same fun person that I always have been for my kids. I hate that they see me in bed crying and barely trying. I was doing well for awhile, but I plunged back down. I'm going to try to tell that part of me that it's okay to feel it. It's just so foreign to who I am, and it scares me. Lady G, you bring up a very interesting point. In a way, I am lucky to have seen what suicide does to your family. That is one thing I know I could NEVER do because of my experience. But boy, do I ever understand that blackness now.

The sun will be out on Wednesday....I'm counting down the hours. It has been way too long without sunshine, and it's definitely not helping. Thank you all for caring.

Uneedtosmile, you are amazing!! (((((hugs)))))

Thank you Chrysalis123😊 you made my day!

I did stupid things that a lot of people would say depress you more. I had quit smoking for over a year and I took it back up about 3 months post d-day. At first I guilt tripped myself about it, but honestly, at the time, allowing myself to sit on my patio and smoke was a relief. I didn't make it a permanent return, but I felt like I was going nuts, and it managed to help me relax. Bad physical health decision, but one of the better mental health decisions I made.

It was a shitty time for me as I was living out of state on a contract job alone and literally knew no one for 1000+ miles in any direction aside from co-workers who I shared niceties with but no one who I could call a friend. It was incredibly lonely (hence my screen name) and I was extremely depressed for quite awhile.

The positive side of this is that I'm not anymore. It took time and perspective, but it happened. I'm 2.5 years past d-day 1, 1.5 years past d-day 2 (A never ended - false R), and 1 year past d-day 3 (A ended for 3 months and then restarted - false R again)....and I think I reached a better place around the beginning of this year. There was no magic pill - but if I had to say what was the turning point, it was acceptance and letting go. Acceptance of who my WH is. Acceptance of where I found myself in my life. Acceptance of the options I had going forward. Letting go of the life I thought I had and the life I thought Iwas going to have. Once I really owned it and stopped my own pity-party (I'm not saying that's where you are, but I know I was caught in a vicious cycle of "this is so unfair" for a long time) things got better...and they got better quickly.

You will get there, I promise.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 10:42 AM, May 27th (Wednesday)]

Maybe Lexapro isn’t the right choice for you. My doctor ended up ordering the GeneSight DNA test to narrow down which anti-depressant might work for me because nothing seemed to be working. My results were quite significant and led her to prescribe one that is working.

Just a thought.