Hi AG,
I agree with some of the stuff written above. Here's my take on it.
I'm in my 50's and had to 'learn' how to date online. At first I was completely intimidated. I did meet someone that I dated as soon as I got on one of the apps. It was a positive experience but I also knew I only would be able to date him briefly.
So I kept trying online dating. I really hated it from the get go. I wanted something more natural and organic (aka real life). There were so many things I didn't like such as the addiction aspect,(apps can be highly addictive), not remembering who was who, the ghosting, the impersonal aspect, the texting...yuck. And mostly not being able to get an immediate 'vibe' on the person, although, in time I could almost intuitively tell who was on the other side of the screen.
Being a life-long learner and wanting to 'crack the code' on online dating, I figured out a way to do it (and am now coaching others). Here's a few things that I feel are key. First of all know yourself. (There are psychometric tests that you can take if this sounds intimidating). Then love yourself. (Easy once you get to know yourself). And finally, get really clear on what you want. And I'm not talking about shared interests, because a relationship can't be built on interests...because those can change.
As for a great profile, here's my personal opinion on that. I don't recommend using just the swipe apps. I would get on the websites (pay for a few months) where you can communicate what you really would like and tell lots about yourself.
Before writing your profile, get super clear on who you are, (again not necessarily just what you like to do) and who you are looking for, who you envision yourself with, what you'd like to do with your life and with your ideal partner.
The writing part is huge. As others mentioned, take your time with it, no spelling mistakes etc.
Then the photos: only 2 are needed. A really great headshot (no sunglasses...looks like you're hiding) and no hats! Just you. Because you are enough. And smile! If you have a hard time smiling, then get someone to take your photo and tell you a joke or make you laugh. It will be far more natural.
And the second photo is a full body shot. Wear something flattering. No shirtless photos. Leave some mystery. Something that you feel super comfortable in. No pets (they aren't going to be dating your pet or your motorcycle, or eating that fish you caught).
Make sure the photos are really, really good quality. Nothing blurry, and the photos have to be recent. (Builds trust right away).
Then, go into the profile of each woman you are interested in. Read the profiles. How she does the small stuff, is how she'll do the big stuff.
You initiate contact. Not with a heart. Or an emoji. Write to her. As though you are writing her a letter. There is a way to do this so that you can clearly let her know you are interested in a way that is genuine to you.
One of the things that would catch my eye would be when someone would actually write something as opposed to just liking my photo or commenting on my looks. The compliments can come much later otherwise it feels insincere. At least it did for me. I'm not saying it's not an ego boost if it's coming from a good looking guy, just saying they weren't relationship material.
Definitely comment on something specific on her profile -- why she caught your interest etc.
From there, if there is rapport, don't prolong the texting...go to a phone call. Texting too much kills the momentum.
The phone call: no more than 15 mins. You will get a feel for whether it flows or not. There are a few key questions you can ask, once you figure out what you really want and what's important to you.
From the phone call, if it flows and she is interesting or there is something that intrigues you, make a date. Yip. A coffee date. Only. No movies (worst way to get to know someone initially).No long dates. That comes later.
Coffee date: no more than 1/2 hour. And that's it. Make a decision, yes or no. You will know right away if you want to date her. Especially if you've done the work beforehand. If she's not the one, you thank her, let her know you won't be pursuing anything further, and keep going.
I learned alot via online dating and met some really good guys. But they weren't my guy.
There are about 4 other ways to meet someone. My favourite is... in real life!
I learned how to meet men in real life while still experimenting with online dating. Real life felt great once I got the hang of it and figured it out.
As a guy, you can do alot with real life dating! Done well, you can have as many dates off line as online. You're in the driver's seat on this one.
I typically would have 2 dates a week, sometimes 3 or 4 but then I got dating fatigue...it's a real thing. So I took it slower.
Long story short, I ended up meeting my guy in real life. And we've been together 8 months.
Also, don't worry about competing with thousands of men. Trust me, many of the online profiles I saw left a lot to be desired.
I didn't buy into the idea that 'it will just happen'. Nothing that I've ever been successful in, 'just happened'I approached this as a job, really. Kind of an experiment to see if it can be done. And it worked!
Good luck!