Never once did I have a "giggle" about sneaking around right under my husband’s nose.
I'm curious about this aspect from any WS who can address it.
Perhaps I never thought my WW and AP were snickering at me outright, but it sure seems I was a part of some private joke. And now reading this thread, I find myself rethinking it -- and I feel that, yes, I must have been. And it seems likely that most BH's were, at some point or other, the butt of a joke by their WW and her AP (I'm thinking of really egregious cases like the WW who cajoled her BH to fix the heater in the cabin that was the planned site of a tryst).
Like some others, my WW flirted with, kissed and was fondled by AP within close proximity of me. But the game was rigged in a way I wouldn't have known. If I had, I dare not think about what would have happened. I'd be writing this from prison, most likely. Even now, the silverback Cro Magnon rage is so strong in me I can barely type this.
On Halloween 2016 we were taking the kids trick or treating as a group in the neighborhood. AP fondled my WW's ass in the dark, while I and his wife each walked separately with the kids several paces ahead. ETA: This act didn't seem designed to "meet needs" or get emotional kibbles or whatever -- it was really just a gratuitous sexual act by both of them. And the idea that there was NOT some snickering is more than a little difficult to believe: Clearly they each took some sort of sneaky secret pleasure from the act in getting one over on their unsuspecting spouses.
Later, we then sat on AP's parents' porch and my WW came over and sat on my lap, all lovey dovey. I was oblivious.
In our own home, he was invited over for "playdates" when I was out of town, which were really just a masquerade for them to play family. And one evening in my own home, while I was fixing dinner, the two of them stood together at our front window and fondly watched the boys playing in the front yard. I already knew at this juncture, and I actually thought for a moment about grabbing my pistol and blowing him away right then and there.
ETA: When they had sex in our home, I was away on a business trip. The morning was specifically arranged in such a way that sex was guaranteed to happen. All the cute denials of nonplanning add up to bupkis. Anyway that same morning, I was cordially texting both of them with separate items about the meeting I was at. My "friend" with information about the speaker I was listening to, and my WW with jokes. Neither of them responded, which is what set off my alarm bells. I then puzzled it together sitting in that hotel conference center, started having a panic attack and asked another friend of mine to drive by the house. He refused saying he didn't want to get involved or feed into my paranoia (of course, he did end up driving by anyway and then weeks later told me and confirmed AP's car was there).
This was the same day that my WW conned me into thanking her AP for the gift of a wine fridge as a combined birthday gift for both of us.
I can only imagine what was going on that morning as I separately texted both of them, they looked at their phones, and then looked at each other in my home as they prepared to have sex. The idea of a private joke in that moment isn't much of a stretch.
The idea of another private joke -- or at the very least smirking about what a schmuck I was -- in having me call the AP to thank him for a birthday gift isn't much of a stretch either, now is it?
As you can imagine, this feels an awful lot like giggling, or the close approximation. Let us more accurately say a prank or practical joke of some kind, with the faithful partners as the butt of the cosmic humor.
I also listened to a VAR recording of the two of them chortling and making sly comments about the sex they'd had. My wife laughed in a deep and knowing way when her AP talked about having her hair in his face (it is in point of fact quite beautiful hair) and then laughing when they both finished each other's sentences about "what assholes we're married to."
Anyway, it's difficult for me as a rational, thinking sentient human with intact executive function in my frontal cortex to not think I was the butt of a joke between them. Plainly, on some level, empirically, I was.
If I found out my WW had fondled her AP within a few feet of my presence, I don't think I'd be surprised, and I for sure would view it as a deep form of disrespect that amounted to a kind of act making me a laughingstock.
ETA PS: Maybe I just know too much and so illusions or minimizations about who my WW is or what she did or did not do are difficult if not impossible for me to accept.
[This message edited by Thumos at 7:01 AM, Saturday, February 5th]