Oh Girl, I hear you.
My husband cheated on me just shy of our fifth wedding anniversary.
I was 27 years old and glorious. Stunning. I'm not even kidding.
Not only that, he cheated while we were in escrow for our first house, an endeavor with which we had *no* help. We earned and saved every single cent from current earnings with two babies in tow.
And, against the direct and explicit instructions from our realtor and the mortgage company, he took almost our entire down payment and closing cost money out of the bank, he 'borrowed' it, on nothing more than a verbal assurance that it would be reimbursed by the agency that was asking him to take this trip, *after* the trip was over.
The mortgage company made it very clear that they were monitoring our bank balances while we were in escrow, making sure that our down payment and closing costs were parked there for the duration. At that time, this practice was a routine part of qualifying for a mortgage.
Of course, he 'borrowed' that money against my clearly stated wishes, and the whole time he was gone, and for at least two weeks after he returned, I had to live with the anxiety of that hole in our bank account.
And he cheated on me, on that trip. =/
To the best of my knowledge, he has not cheated since.
I'm here because about 3 years 8 months ago, I randomly found out (long story) that the incident, which he much minimized at the time, was *much* more 'involved' than he admitted years ago when it occurred.
Thoroughly fucked my head, that did. =/
I'm older now.
We are older now.
I am post menopausal.
I am heavier than I was at age 27.
IMHO, I'm still attractive.
Having been through what I've been through for the past 3 years 8 months, if he cheats again, I'm GONE. I've made that very clear, and there is no doubt in my mind. I'm not going through this again.
If I found out that there's been other incidents in the interim since then and now that he's not been honest about during this 3 year 8 month discovery period/relationship reset, I'm GONE. I do not have the capacity for one more ounce of trickle truth, for one more millisecond of doubt or drama.
We've had an entire adult life between then and now.
While to the best of my knowledge he hasn't committed sexual or romantic infidelity since, it's not been easy and it's not been free of issues.
In terms of additional/further infidelity, and attempting further reconciliation, the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
I am so glad you cut your soon to be ex off.
That whole 'beauty pageant' vibe is plucking my last nerve from afar.
Fuck him for thinking and acting like he sets the standard and it's up to you to meet it to hold his interest or affections or simple honesty and integrity.