Most people bank on very few things in life. One thing that comes to mind that most people bank on is,
One, is that their sibling would never have sex with their spouse.
And two, their spouse would never have sex with their sibling.
You (and most people) cannot comprehend the enormity of pain and trauma that comes with that kind of double betrayal.
It really sounds to me that you are complaining about his reaction to YOU cheating on him with his BROTHER. One sentence of "I know he's hurting" and the rest of your post is highly critical of him and what he's doing/not doing.
BH now has no motivation to get a job.
You said don't know what to expect and thats ok, no one starting out does. But, do you really think he's going to be flooded with motivation right now? Your actions have drained him of life.
he doesn't want/act like a father anymore.
I seriously doubt its a want thing, its probably more of a can't thing because functioning isn't exactly a BS's strong suit especially this early. I implore you to consider something. If your BH had just suffered a car accident, was raped, held at gun point and robbed, lost his mom/child, <insert any other catastrophe>, would you be so critical of him and his ability to non parent at the moment? This is the scale your double betrayal evokes.
So yes I think you should tolerate it, in fact I think you should do more than just that. Your language and response to this crisis shows that you have little knowledge as to what you brought into your world and his. And again, that's ok. But what isn't ok is remaining uneducated. Being here is a great source for endless knowledge, but what steps are you taking to branch out and research trauma and the trauma response. What are you actually doing to understand the pain you brought onto him.
In what ways are you owning your actions? Because as far as I can tell, just from reading your first post, it comes off very strong that "it just happened" and you had very little say VS what I'm seeing between the lines.
Four weeks post dday you haven't even left the starting line. Its a drop in time compared to the amount it will take to work through your betrayal.