100% a first world problem, and I need some perspective.
Backstory: About 1.5 years ago, my uncle emailed my father and said he and my aunt were planning a big trip to celebrate some milestones (big # birthday & big # anniversary), they were renting a giant beach house, and they would love for my parents, WS and I + kids, plus my brother to join them. Their kids and grandkids and my aunt's sister & kid would be coming, too. They were paying for the rental for a week, we just had to make our own arrangements to get there.
WS had mentioned trip to his parents, since they live a few hours away (closer than anyone else going), and they mentioned maybe they'd rent a beach place nearby and bring their grandkids (WS & I's nieces & nephew).
Since there's not a direct flight to the rental, we decided to fly direct to my in-laws. We were planning om renting a car, but they said don't rent a car, you can borrow one of ours.
Here's the miscommunication that came out tonight --
I thought in-laws were planning their own parallel trip and would be busy with their other grandkids and we'd meet up a couple of times over that week, either at the beach, or go out to lunch or something.
WS basically discussed/invited the in-laws (+3 grandkids, a YA, a teen and a tween) to hang out on the beach right by the place my aunt & uncle rented, would come in to use the bathroom, hang out by the pool the rental has, come BBQ in the backyard, basically come hang out whenever, just not spend the night.
I think this is incredibly rude. I feel like we're guests on this trip, we're not renting the house, AND to complicate matters, we're not particularly close with my family that invited us. They are very nice and generous, but the last time I've seen most of these people was probably 8-10 years ago.
WS thinks I'm overthinking things, and it should be no big deal, family is family and we should all just mingle and have fun on vacation.
I think that we don't have to be with my family 24/7, and it's a reasonable compromise to make plans a couple of times with his family and go over to where they're staying, go out to eat a couple times, etc. while we're in the same beach town. We also (during non-pandemic times) see the in-laws a couple of times per year.
WS thinks I'm being too uptight/rigid/unreasonable because "his family wouldn't think this was weird if the situation was reversed." I honestly don't know how my family would feel because we're not super close, but I don't think planning to see his family at their rental or make plans elsewhere to meet up is unreasonable.
So.....
Am I being too uptight? In general I am the more uptight one and WS is more go with the flow/why are you worrying/this is no big deal between the two of us, and there have definitely been times where I've been worried or anxious about a situation and WS was right, it was NBD.
Honestly, if this is no big deal, then I'll drop it (we're currently not talking because we were getting so heated discussing this tonight), but if I'm not overreacting, then I'm going to insist that meeting up with his parents/nieces/nephew can be done a couple of times during this week, at somewhere other than the house my aunt & uncle are renting.
[This message edited by ibonnie at 2:27 PM, Saturday, April 2nd]