The problem with porn, especially when it becomes an ingrained habit, is that it rewires the users brain. You can read up on it. It impacts relationships because the user has rewired their brain in ways that don't translate well to real life partners. It's easier, stress free, completely self involved, fantasy etc. Read up on it. It often escalates when the fantasy no longer provides the escape the user is looking for. He is on a dangerous path.
So the issue here is him. What he is seeking with these interactions and how it might have rewired his brain to need that versus a real life person.
He needs IC to find out why he'd rather sit in a dark room alone and engage sexually with other woman versus his partner.
The big issue for you is that he crossed a boundary you set. His "I don't remember" is not only bullshit but insulting. Engaging with online sex partners is a no-go in almost every marriage. If he thought it was ok, he wouldn't have hidden it. "Hey honey, I met this hot girl online who wants to perform for me. Care to join?" Did that convo happen? No. He knew he was betraying you. He didn't care. His needs outmatched his feelings for you.
So your trust is low as it should be.
All you can do is set your boundaries of what is and is not acceptable for you. He needs to work on whatever inner demon drives him to risk everything for some girl pretending to desire him so she can get paid.
You do have the right to feel safe. And right now that may involve more boundaries than normal. You should have access to his computer and phone. It's perfectly reasonable that his staring at his phone hurts you. That's what he used to break your heart. Think about what you need to feel safer. Perhaps it's much less phone or computer time. Right now he should be focused on you.
You should focus on you too. You didn't do one thing to deserve his betrayal. He has issues and they are his to solve. His betrayal says so much more about him than you. But he has to fix him. He has to want this relationship more than he wants some ego kibbles he has to pay for. If he doesn't (and his actions will show you this, not his words), then you have nothing to work with here.
[This message edited by TheEnd at 10:46 PM, Monday, November 14th]